My H4pPY EnD|nG

holy

2005-05-05T15:03:00.000+08:00

Oo...i'm so bloody proud of myself. i was chosen to write a poem for the year book and it was approved. how great. anyway exams. argh...ass them. my grades are dropping, dropping and dropping. what shud i do. i can't concentrate anymore. aiya...die lar.. disappointed. and that stupid sarah started to tell me stuff that are so irritating. WHAT A FUCKING PERASAN. urgh... can't stand her. i'm out. i need achievements to fill my huge ego.

dude

2005-04-26T15:05:00.000+08:00

so finally i received my my results lar
highest for maths - 92% ^^
second highest for specialist maths - 82% (Boo)
econs....sigh sucks lar...80% only...sigh

and currently there's this girl who always tie with me but i guess she'll eventually win me and the first place throne that i'm wearing. dude, that's sad, i'll be second again...sigh

bitch

2005-04-24T03:34:00.000+08:00

Dear diary, it has been long since i write to you. so how are you?
anyway, today i received the outstanding academic award. supposedly, it was to be a happy event but it turn out to be a horror. when i stepped up to the stage, the appluase was pathethically weak. almost inaudible to the normal hearing condition. so anyway, it was simply unpleasant.

anyway, anyway, many people were suprised that i purposely went to sg all the way from Kl just to get this prize, while it;s not. party it's cuz i wanna meet my frens as well. fortunately, this objective did not disappoint me. i was able to enjoy thoroughly with my frens and that includes lip hai, the notorious alloy, jackson,jasmine FUH, jiayaw, kang wei, kian lin, qiyong, jason, dorene and the list goes on lor.

and to my surprise, all of them actually were fascinated by my life in taylors. and they even admit that they regret that they had not join taylors. hahaha..so anyway, i've got list of stories to tell them. and many jokes lar, had pizza, played pool until it costs us above 100 bucks. so took some lame pictures with alloy and jasmien and lip. everything was fun. sigh, it's three thirty am now. and i'm actually thinking...

this moring, i had only actually caught a glimpse of Melydia. weird feelings. kinda fear, kinda familiar.and so i thought, wad would it be or rather how would it be, if it was the last time that i;ll see her. suddenly, "fate" this word jsut came into my word. it's just so sucky. i dunnoe why. perhaps she has changed. as it seems to me. or am i jsut the one who remains the same. argh...i can't sort this out. she's simply nothing but an average fren to me now. (this judgement is passed thru my observations of how she speak to me)

anyway, anyway, i wun be sleeping tonight, and i never ever wanna forget everything that i've done for my entire time spent in JB.set me freeee.

turf club

2005-04-09T23:16:00.000+08:00

yeah...so i went to a turf club today. quite fun lar. had a few bets. haha..and i lost a lot of money. lol

dog

2005-03-30T15:06:00.000+08:00

Woohoo… I am so proud of myself cuz I was listed as the top 10% student of taylors college. Dude, the list was posted outside the office man. Kinda feel like using the highlighter to colour my name haha…it happens once in a life time… wad a show off. =)

Ahaha. And so ever since I started my brand new life in college, everything felt so different, I feel good, I feel I look good, girls feel that I look good too(not boasting) haha…yeah…Also I’ve tried so many new things that I’ve never try b4 in my life. Such as…Getting a hold of the bow and arrow. Haha…my hands are practically shaking when I first try them on. They’re heavy alright. Yeah..great experience. I’m an archer for once. Haha! I’m a skater. Ice-skating lar..haha.. “Pooler” I play this game almost twice every week. It’s getting boring. Singer! Go to karaeoka. Musician. Well, I picked up some guitar skill from this fren of mine and hell yeah, I’m ready to sing it to the girls! Haha…dude, he said I’m a fast learner and I sing well. Hahha..DUH~
Wad else…hmm…yeah..so there’s still something missing in my life. A girlfriend. My life is simply ain’t complete without someone
whom I feel I belong to (and that she belonged to me),
whom I have a sense of personal pride when I am with her (and someone who’s proud of me),
whom has a passion to admire and to be admired,
whom I will have to try very hard to win a smile from her,
whom I can received extra attention from her,
whom I have some control over her,
whom I want to protect and to seek comfort and warmth when I’m in her arms,
whom is worthy of me and I’m worthy of,
whom is my prior and I’m her prior,
whom I can relate, appreciate, approve, accept. The TRIPLE A’s
whom I like. Basically. Ha…
I hope she will appear soon…

So Jackson called me this Sunday and then we reminisce about the good old time. And I can’t believe that he still like the girl that he used to like. Oh man~ then I was like telling him, “ dude, I’m sure there’re many other hot babes rather than her right? U still got keep in contact with her ma?”
And he replied “ yar lar, I agree with you. Many other hot girls. But but, you also lor, say me… melydia? Melydia? Still keep in contact lar”

Haa…so both of us started laughing and agree on the fact that no one can ever take the place of our loved ones. Sigh…it’s so sad.

Anyway, we moved on to talking about the prize giving day when I’ll return to jb. Strangely, we move back to the previous topic.haha…then I told him that melydia is now with this guy lar, and kw and shuhan still no break. And kw said he decided to study in ITE. Haha….so it’s kinda sad for the both of us. 2 pathetic guys mourning about our ill fate. BUT BUT…As we talk, we found out that someone is far more pathetic – liphai! Haha..so both of us, I mean 3 of us including liphai, hhaaha, jack and me are not the worst. Lol…to prove that I am more kick than lip, I told him that melydia actually called me on my b’dae sharply at 12:00 o clock to wish me happy b’dae.haaha…then jack also said something pretty funny about shuhan and him lar…I can’t say. And we soon reach upon a conclusion, we are dogs, lip is underdog. Haha…aiya…I know it’s kinda bad for us to do that, but lip, aiks…buckle up? Cuz Stacie is just ain’t worthy of you. Though you try to love her by faith.
anyway, there was once interference and he suddenly can’t listen to what I said. Cuz of some reception problem lar. So he suddenly say “ hello? Hello? Melydia are u there?” hahaahahahahaha fucking bastard….but it was damn funny lar. I mean…you know…And suddenly a second interference came, and this time it’s me who can’t hear him so I said “ hello? Hello? Shuhan there?”
Haha…so we started laughing again lar..haha..aiya…
so I practically spent the whole day day dreaming, listening to songs ( that my frens send to me – ah…touched when I finally know what msg they’re trying to send across), looking thru friendster, reading my testimonials, reading the poems that I once wrote before, reminding myself how I tried so hard, scribbling some poems out of my empty shell. And pooh…I tell you, I’m telling you. That was the best and sweetest one I ever wrote in my profession of poem-writing. Wah cheh! Hahaha…kidding…but come to think of it, aiks, I never hear mel say that she wants to be with me and it’s always me who tell her how I picture to be with her… sigh…guess I should, yes, I SHOULD just forget about it lar. *Tore it all up and threw it away*

life is college is hell + heaven. which = K.I.C.K.

karaeoka

2005-03-16T08:33:00.000+08:00

oh yeah, yesterday was my PRIME visit to karaeoka ( um...i dunnoe how to spell it cuz the place is called Redbox) anyway, it was one hell of a good time man. first, the guys acted like some rich tycoon and stomped into the room. oh and the room was so nice... nice seats, nice tv, nice ambiance, nice waitress. ahah...subsequently we ordered 5 jugs of beer, 2 jugs of cola, some tidbits, and it already cost us 50+. hmm...so in the end, we spent quite a lot of money lar... sang alot of songs, took a lot of pictures, dance around, couples inside holdings hands, hugging, kissing, touching...urgh...this is the part that i hate the most. freak them!!!! haha... and and we guys also pretended to walk into the wrong room, hahaa...it was so damn funny to see all those stunned reaction. phew, luckily din get into trouble...yeah...counting down to my b'dae, a couple more hours.

anyway, lip, how are you? haha...to come to think of it, i still kinda brood over the thing when you literally copied my ""stuff" without permission lar...i WILL TRY to forgive you though...haha...try...oh and rmb to read the testi i wrote for mely...hmm.. maybe you WANT to copy it as well.hhah...kidding....shall not put you down. okay....cya arounds.

finally

2005-03-14T15:15:00.000+08:00

oh...freak! tmr going to sunway...hmm..anticipating...
yeah..and i managed to assured my bro that i wouldn't damage his car IF he lend it to me on 17 OF MARCH

argh...stressed. tests.....and i kinda find that melydia is becoming weirder ever since i asked her that question of whether she has fallen for this guy.....hmm...i knew that she's weird all along..haha!

b'dae

2005-03-10T16:57:00.000+08:00

FUIYOO!!!!!
let me relate something about economics here. because of the limited quantity of guys that is in the market (i.e. taylors college), the demand curve will be relatively inelastic. (which means that even if the price goes up, the quantity decreased will be proportionately smaller. ) moreover, consumer (i.e. hot mamas) market objective is to achieve goods with good quality. With me around....wahahaha.....i've just make their dreams come true.. hahahaha....fuiyoo....kick....

ahhhhhh...my b'dae coming ....hahah....good good...eh lip, come lar....come and have fun ma...holiday le.....lai lai, mari ke KL, saya bawa kamu around, tengok cantik and menarik perempuan and make you go cuckoo....den lagi we go berenang....and i''m make sure you've got darah hidung (nose bleeding) hahaha....okay...come

true again

2005-03-07T16:29:00.000+08:00

Quickie:You don't have to blow your top. Staying calm under pressure is a victory in itself.

Overview:You've just begun to realize how important it really is to keep that secret under wraps. So rather than just being irritated with someone who's kidding around about talking, put your foot down. Tell them that's not acceptable -- but not why.

argh....how come it's true again again and again....aiya...today the first thing in the morning i was scolded by my specialist maths teacher. he's usuallly not so grumpy but today he just blew his head off. and i became the first victim cuz i'm the first student that he scolded and usually he and i was like brothers instead of teacher and student relationship. so anyway, it was such a put down for me cuz he asked me to shut up in front of the whole class and continue to fuk me up. yeah so it's bad and to think that last friday when i got back my specialist maths test paper......I HAVE GOT THE BLOODY HIGHEST IN CLASS....IT'S THE HIGHEST OKAY.....DAMN IT LAR.... so academically wise, i did very well lar....all above 90 except for this specialist maths subject which is damn blooody diifficult.l

and so i finally came to reliase that it's true that melydia has like someone else. oh...wad a let down...but at least i know how she feels lar.....at least....it's everything better than to be kept in the dark....sigh...m0ve on.....

and the movie, series of unfortunate events.....sigh.....not very nice lar....okay lar.......hmm....nothing to bloody add.....a lot of tests next week....argh.....i'm going nuts...stress stress.....eh liphai, pls come to kl and stay with me....cuz i've asked my classmates out to go sunway lagoon on march 15 to celebrate my b'dae. thou it's on the 17 lar.....celebrate early cos that day is a holiday for me and for you....greeat....bikini gals on the way......i'll make sure u go cuckoo man....i'll ask weilling to go also lar.....if she wants to go that is''''' okay, that's it folks...so much for a sucky week.....yeah...but my b;dae is coming.....hehe...sure got a lot of hugs and kisses this time. i'm turning 17

bloody o level

2005-03-01T16:06:00.000+08:00

AIYA... so i've finally got my O levels result. it's relatively good lar...as in u noe, 10 points....but how i wished i've got more As lor....sigh sigh....so today as i stepped in the class, many ppl started asking me about my results lar...sigh...it's very bad though compared to those bloody m'sians who had the most easiest exams in the world. okay lar....this's a corrupted country. I know. so, today had been extremely tired, busy, had maths test, relatively easy and my previous maths test i scored 98% and it's just some stupid mistake lar....anyway , i'm the highest in class. hehe....so many people jealous of me....anyway, anyway, i missed my friends alot.... sigh...den today saw her again...gosh....indesribable. tired lar.... wanna dye my hair again, turn on all the girls....and i.....sigh....dunnoe wad to say............loveless atmosphere..... ops, a sexay chick just walked past me...haha....die lar....

so true

2005-02-22T15:02:00.000+08:00

Quickie:
The future is unclear. That's as it should be. Be open to the possibilities.

Overview:
You'll be a veritable ball of fire at work, so don't be surprised if others are a bit jealous. That doesn't mean you should stop hitting it out of the park, however. Do it all, and do it well. The higher-ups will be absolutely tickled.

oh...i realli can't believe it. everytime i looked at my horoscope and i find that i can't believe my eyes. yes. so it came true. - again.
to explain this quickie horoscope thing, let me recount the entire process. recently, i was like infatuated with this girl, but she seemed to like those shy type of girl and so i thought i wouldn't like her anyway. so like yea....however,as i was telling my girl frens (my usual classmates) that she's pretty sweet and that she's um....just pretty. and all of them like make a big fuss about it, asking me to ask for her no. and make friend with her. ( they were so excited because i HAVE NEVER told them anyone that's pretty in this college except her. and yeah....they thought i should give it a try.) but, i just told them i was um....not ready for a relationship ( i made an excuse that i was too young. i'm only sixteen and they're seventeen) but my classmates are just so crazy and 'concern' about my love life wor.....they approached her and tell her that i WANT her no. ( i realli did want it but i dun intend to want it) it sounds ironic but that's just exactly how i was feeling then. and subsequently, i smsed her lar...juz to.... u know, make fren, didn't really have the intention to make her mine. sigh, i dunnoe... maybe and so i tot yeah...we should just be frens anyway. but things evolved you see... i start to have feelings....sigh....i dunnoe wad should i do now........i don't wish to continue......

anyway, had accounts test yesterday and it sucks lar.....my specialist maths test also didn't do verry well i guess....the teacher appeared to be bloody disappointed in everyone of us even though we have not received our test papers back yet. so like yeah.....having economics test tmr. sigh....i hate life lar....so bloody stressfull.....the schedule will be less tight only after the next 2 more weeks. cya.... and i missed her so bloody much that i tot i'll die right now.....

can't believe

2005-02-17T14:13:00.000+08:00

once again, tis horoscope's inference came true. y should i not believe in it? ha..

overview : You're a magnet. A veritable magnet for the attention of interesting, attractive others -- and that's not all. You can't turn it off -- but then, why would you want to?

just received this present from my classmates (they're soooo nice) - it's a book and um the title is "how to win a woman's heart" ( cos they know i've relationship problem and probably they find me pathethic cos i don't have a gf with my looks. haha) but in actual case, it's me who doesn't wanna have one. ha..

flipping thru the book, i simply realise my MISTAKES. horrible and grave MISTAKES. and oh, fortunately for me, they've solution guide for it. so it's like wow....haha...update the points next time. provided i have the time to.

anyway, my exam schedule
18/2 - specialist maths
21/2 - accounts
24/2 - mathemathical studies AND econs
25/2 - RELEASE OF O LEVEL RESULT. OH MY GOD
1/3 - accounts (again?) AND eng AND mathematical studies.
9/3 - econs

argh.....i'm bloody stressed out. i need love. somebody... save me. i know who is capable of that. (cheeky)

sucky valentine's day

2005-02-16T09:15:00.000+08:00

Ooo...economics test was such a disappointment. 88% wasn't like the best score in the class whereas the highest was like 94% and u know wad, being the best has always been my priorities, and moreover, hey dude, you just received your education from singapore and your result should be like among the best? well, some of them just merely passsed the test, which i was like kinda shocked and surprised. i mean, come on, the test is not that hard. carelessness realli screwed me up this time. anyway, there'll be specialist maths test on this fri. haha...and accounts test on monday... that means my weekend is burnt. but it's alright actually, i set my **** on next fri. haha...realli great. let's anticipate it. and hope everything might just turn out as expected.

and by the way, for all i know, o levels results will be out. ahah...sying ar, you better make time for me okay? cos i'll be going back for only like 2 days? cos the schedule is very tight and i can't afford to miss any lesson. i want to be the best you know. THE BEST. not second, not third but the best. and i hope that nadiah would not be offended by what i commented on yr tag board. haha..tell her i was jus kidding? oohhh...will be meeting my classmates again. i realli miss them. esp the guys. cos i'm seriously sicked and tired of mixing with the gals. they're sick.

you know what, i kinda feel pathethic compared to them:
firstly it's because most of them have sex with their bf and i'm still a bloody virgin. this piece of unbelievable news really just blew me away. initially when LB told me about it, and i was like, no, this can't be true. and wad's more, it was the girl who bought the condom. my god, and it was joanne's b'dae yesterday and all of them were like discussing about sex....hmm i dunnoe if i was lucky or ill-fated cos i'm the only guy there. but what they said was realli funny. plus, hhaha...after everything that they've describe and subsequently as i saw their bf and her together and my first reaction was like, how did you guys make love? haha...i'm serious, that was my exact first reaction and my mind start to imagine things. that's why i said girls are sick.
oh by the way, they left me a piece of advice, " let the mood sets you in." and the most ironic thing is that it was the girl who initiate it. HELLO?! what has this world become? i can't stand it. i need to be with guys. if not, i'll go nuts. listening to all the girlie story but they're intriguing though. haha....

Ling just give me the kick...fuh...i'm going giligala soon....i need a word with jack.he's such a good advisor. hmm.....ready or not. i'comin. people - scream.

new car

2005-02-05T22:01:00.000+08:00

yar, so my bro just received his new car today. so cool... i wish i could have a car also...but yet still learning how to drive lar..hahaha...then he took us for a spin...just me, my bro and my dad. cool.

den sying called today, told me that she's in love...okay, and she also asked me to forget mel. huh?

2 gals asked me out for valentine, i'm confused. feel good to be woo and to woo. realli.

well

2005-02-01T15:04:00.000+08:00

well, today i started off with my maximum blast of energy. overly enthusiatic. bombarded my points like some crazy fellow ( i was practically shouting). lost my voice in the end and receive thunderous applause. feeling's excellent. impressed many (esp gals. and the teacher).. yeah...great. hmm...having economics test tmr. sigh... damn...unprepared. exhasuted. a lot of hw. loveless yet. oh and jack called yesterday. had a great laugh, had a long chat, his bill will be horrendous. yeah...that's about it. radiating my love to everyone.

Accept it.

nth

2005-01-31T15:21:00.000+08:00

well, din realli have anything to say. sch's fun, girls are hot, homework also a lot, money also spent a lot....realli. LIFE"S HARD! haha. tmr having a presentation. yawn...i'll be e best.

freaking sick

2005-01-26T15:15:00.000+08:00

sigh...from 20, down to 2. hai hai hai...how come...all pretty gals also have bf already. sigh...FORTUNATELY, i still have 2 choices left. haha...kinda unright to list gals as "choices" huh? bad....anyway todae xiao wen related to us how she broke up with her bf lar...yar...learnt a lesson...in a way or 2. yeah...and if i continue to hang out with gals everyday, I MIGHT JUST BECOME SOMEONE WHO HAS GREAT GREAT GREAT, NO, it's THE GREATEST UNDERSTANDING OF GIRLS, LADIES/ WOMEN. whatever you wanna call them....or maybe, i'll turn into gay or sissy soon. so many gals.....hais...peng...

and so btw, lip hai. you still wun admit that you're in the wrong huh? though deep inside, CLEARLY you know that you're wrong. he's stuck in the following situation,

he was playing this online computer game, get to know this gal, subsequently JUST saw her photo b4. sms everyday AND EVEN WROTE A POEM FOR her (that has some of my copyrights) and he felt that he's in love. my gosh...and she's cheap okay? full stop no more argument. who in the age of 14/15 will go to pubs with frens? not unless they're cheap?

anyway, i've got a lot a lot a lot of hw in hand now, sigh...hardly have time for my Gunbound and Dota game. these taylorians are crazy about DOTA. as if they can win me like that? chew....and i still haven't bought my pair of slipperss yet. damn chia sheng. sheshhhh

okay..my new college

2005-01-19T15:09:00.000+08:00

fuh..ages since i update this blog ler..so now, let me write something lar...okay, first of all, i like my college very much, which is partly because there are many pretty gals.. haha...my eyes are swollen now...seriously...and i just got a stupid hair- cut yesterday, and i also found out that melissa actually already has a bf, ( kinda heart-broken lar...) hmm...next time i add her in friendster den u see how pretty is she lar...and samantha...sigh...fortunately different class from me lar...cos she very noisy... den my subject combinations are english, economics, accountacy, mathemathical studies, specialist mathemathics studies, and also legal studies lar...and because i'm a malaysian, i have to take moral, malay, and history also...wad lar...i dun understand any malay word...i mean, so long din communicate in malay language, kinda unadaptable lar...

and i still remember on the first day of my sch...i always got the urge to scream everytime/whenever i saw a pretty gal...but i compressed myself and screamed inside lar....sigh...wad to do...too many...i mean too much pretty gals...haha...they're uncountable... HOWEVER, i have one disadvantage sia, i'm one year younger than everyone of them, so it's kinda awkward if i have a gf that's older than me? den somemore,i think of the sch fees...wah...13K for pre U only and i heard that it'll be much more for university level..sigh...my brother's fees is already like 60K? hm...better study hard lor...BUT IN CONTRAST, college time should be enjoy de mar...if not next time no chance ler...lol...so dun really care about my parents financial burden lar...haha..i counted 90% gals in the sch lar...haha...anyway, all those "future lawyers" all pretty ar...aiya...."shake it, shake shake just shake it"

bloody chia sheng

2005-01-08T01:24:00.000+08:00

i hate this bloody chia sheng. he tore my slipper and din even say a word of sorry. damn him...does he even know that that lime-green slipper means alot to me...zzzzzz...slap his ass lar...

2005-01-07T13:05:00.000+08:00

Hmm..i’m republishing my blog. Lol take a few minutes to read and appreciate and think about it. Don just skim thru alright?

Hypnotise me
a void existance stirred in me,
we're in a relationship that is never meant to be,
and the way you are driving me crazy,
makes me wanna miss you silently.
three foolish words that i said truthfully,
sometimes do tinge your heart slightly,
so just let me whisper them once more softly,
i'm really missing you dearly.
mystification puzzles me frequently,
whether your heart is functioning normally,
but i like the way you hypnotise me,
just like the way you've always been.

Move on, Dear…
For the past four days i've been in daze,
for the past four hours i've been thinking of your angelic face,
there you are walking with such slow pace,
don't you know that you're in a race?
For your heart is so hard to trace,
for your mind is so much like a maze,
don't you think that it's a waste,
for passing him your Queen of Ace?
The future is for you to embrace,
not for you to sit and gaze,
pick yourself up and taste,
if not sooner or later you'll go craze.

I want you…
You're my very first thought in the morning,
and the last when night falls.
Tangles of my heart was complicating
,as it forms the impenetrable wall.
i may not seem to be speaking,
and it's all because you left me in awe.
Times, it feels like i'm closing,
but yet i'm still so far from the door.
while some say i'm distancing,
but all i want is more.as i keep trying,
you keep breaking,
until my heart was torn.
and still i'm missing you,
till the break of dawn..

LAWS
First Law - love her with all your heart.
Second Law - let her know how much you want her even if it conflicts with the first law.
Third Law - always say what you mean and share your thoughts with her even if it conflicts with the first and second law.

My Laws:
Feelings - not meant to be doubted.
Words - not meant to be shared.
Beauty - not meant to be isolated.
Heart - not meant to be denied.
Kiss - not meant to be missed.
You - not meant to be not loved.

Doubts…
Why am i afraid to lose you?
because i Never got you.

What explains my fear?
i don't wish to hear.

When will you be my Dear?
the answer doesn't seems clear.

Where's the tears?
flowing down the lonely years.

Is this a sort of test?
you know the best.

All that i shared is frankness of flattery?
What do you see?

Though it's already night,
my heart is still shining bright,
i hope i can bring you light,
see your plight,
when darkness is alike.

I miss you
My mind is like the wind,
with no direction,
with no intention,
because you're not here..

My body is like a block of ice,
with a range of temperature,
surface melting everywhere,
because you're not here..

My life is like a thick book,
many chapters with no titles,
many pages with no words,
because you're not here..

My heart is a question mark,
a broken curve,
a spot of nothingness,
because you're not here..

i miss you,
i miss you,
i miss you,
i miss you...

Loneliness plagued me there's no light,
then you begin to see my simple plight,
don't you know i just wanna hold you tight,
as never you fail to SHOCK me with you might.
For this you may not buy,
but you must also know i would never lie,
if not there'll not be you and i,
then i would just rather die..
i always whisper the words you long to hear,
just like the way when i call you Dear,
but do you see them as a lure,
or something melodious to your ears?

The withered rose
You hope you've found that special rose,
cause you'll love and care for the one you chose,
when will you seize it no one knows,
but i know i'm the one to miss you most.
This is a question i often posed,
why can't i play the Romeo's role,
hope you'll find me an overdose,
or you'll turn me into a thoughtless ghost.
Winning your heart is ought to fail,
let alone to merge our souls,
there's a high price to be close,
considered the subject already sold..

Answer me
What is written in the History,
is the vivid picture of you in my memory;
How you got me blind remains a mystery,
i ask myself, are we bonded by chemistry?

i submitted myself obligingly,
hoping this could gain me glory,
but only to be made a fool eventually.
This is already my 11th entry,
you said that they were sweet initially,
but now...
it's drafted nonsensically.

I tried hard to erase you previously,
only to end up in misery,
here, i'm missing you momentarily,
but that doesn't make us click perfectly.
these are the words i uttered dreamily,
there's a picture that i gaze enticingly,
so will you please wake me up from my illusionary,
Answer my Question honestly..

Do it deserve this?
I know when hes been on your mind,
That distant look is in your eyes,
I thought with time youll realize
Its over, over

Its not the way I choose to live
And something, somewhere has got to give
Sharing this relationship gets
older,older

There are times that it seems to me,
Im sharing you in memory.
I feel it in my heart
But I dun show it, show it…

There’s time you look at me
As though I’m all that you can see
Those are the times I dun believe it’s right.
I know it, I know it…

You know I’ll fight for you but how can I fight for someone who’s not even there…

It’s nice to know you’re there,
To hold me tight when I’m scared,
giving me much love and care…
If presented me with a dare
i’ll be a shadow everywhere
Clicking us divinely like a pair.
Hiding from you will be sparingly unfair,
And I also know this will eventually fade and wear,
Neither I want your heart to tear…
Let me diffuse you a placid air,
Just to show you how much I care.

Unfortunately, I can’t find the rest of my poems. Haha..aiya..that is it. Hmm..

i miss her

2005-01-05T01:25:00.000+08:00

Argh!! if i don let it all out tonight, my mind will probably be disintegrated or something. ha..serious..What i've been bottling inside is just too much for me to handle and this appeared to be so unlike me. Moving on is the upper most in my mind and this top priority seemed unachievable. this is just so a "harding" hard task to do. And what i'm doing now, must only be the only way to liberate my traumatizing sufferings. To blog. =p
sigh, it's easy to say that a new year will bring a new start, but jus think, is it so easy to let things go? hmm...probably the common sense will tell you that the {emptiness in my understanding}--->>> ( loneliness) is playing tricks on me. But this current solitude life...i'm not enjoying it at all! hope sch starts soon...
to sum up, i mis her like crazy for the past few days, and pls let me MOVE ON LAR....grrrrr

Sentosa (siloso BITCH)

2004-12-27T22:59:00.000+08:00

many many many many babes. colours also many many many many many (orange, fuchsia, pink, limegreen, navy, baby blue, white, yellow, purple) perverts also many many many many many. ( me alloysius and hilmi. the 3 pathethic guys who do not have any gal companion) hahaha...

Situation - Hilmi did not have extra clothing...
Resolution - He wore only his underwear and WALKED around the beach and went swimming. Holy Cow....

Situation - we wanna play volleyball. alloysius and hilmi did not have the guts to borrow.
Resolution - i went to flirt with the Eurasian babes to borrow one. lols...they're the best! seriously i can't help but drool....foh.....

Situation - Hilmi was the "chosen one" to be buried in sand.
Resolution - we stack extra sands on his breasts and cock to make him a half gal half man. we even took photos. lols...if you want them, get it from me. lols....they're FUNNY.

Situation - we were damn hungry.....
Resolution - we PURPOSELY went to orchard and ate some real disgusting food that hilmi introduce. FUCK!

Coincidence - i met jason twice. first in orchard, second in bus ( subsequently we went home together lar).. pure coincidence

foh

2004-12-26T16:14:00.000+08:00

Fooh.....hmm...read back what i wrote previously. haha...fantastic. my life. past, now and future. =P and the poems. i can't believe i wrote them myself seh....fuiyoo....lols...
now only i realise the wonder a diary can do. just flush your memories back. wonderful feeling.
so let me revive you lar. haha...
so x'mas eve and x'mas day was great. fabulous....rmb samantha, zhi ai, lynette, melissa..blah..the rest forget...haha...

psychology

2004-12-17T01:06:00.000+08:00

hmm...can't really sleep now, though i'm already deadbeat. sigh...just felt very awful with the way she's treating me...bur....nvm..back to the point.

Dreams last for so long
Even after you're gone
I know you love me
And soon you'll see
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you

today i had a fascinating and remarkable appointment with psychologists. hmm..realli learnt alot from them. Dead knots were being untied. guess this is the best phrase to describe the whole process. And realisation keeps hitting my head that i've been committing some serious mistakes that i didn't know. well, at least i know it now.

Besides what would I say
If I had you on the line
Same old stort, not much to say
Hearts are broken, everyday

One funny example that Dr. james gave on the advertising of Coca Cola, the product.
" you don't see a scientist wearing a white coat appearing in front of the TV and tell you the content in the Coca-Cola, telling you that it's the caffeine that's making the drink taste nice......INSTEAD......you would show that a group of basketballers playing basketball, then paused to take a rest, have a sip of coke and do the marvelous slam dunk!"

Tell me
Why do we fight when we know it's all wrong
Why do we play that same old song
Is it just because
We're lonely

Indeed, it was a brilliant experience to communicate with people who understand so much about human ourselves. subsequently, i bought a psychology book lar. damn.. it costs 89.90. haha...expensive to me lar...only average-ly thick. =P aiya...don't realli wish to share what i've learnt. it's just hard to explain. you all go and buy a book and read yourself lar.....sigh....tired.......but still i can't sleep!.....grrrrrr

Been running from these feelings for so long
Telling my heart I didn't need you
Pretending I was better off alone
But I know that it's just a lie
So afraid to take a chance again
So afraid of what I feel inside

My horoscope today, 17 Dec: Romance, romance and romance. It's on your mind and in your heart. If you're attached, plan some time together. If you're single, be prepared for someone new to make a bold approach. Either way, it won't be a boring evening. ( i hope it's true...)

checkmate

2004-12-16T01:32:00.000+08:00

Well, there's definitely something wrong with Kimberly todae. She suddenly just seemed to be so... um nice! (shalln't go into the details lar...yawn...lazy now...) anyway, we were playing checkers just now.... realli had fun....though it's just chess...lolz.....hahahaahahahahahahahahaha....lots and lots and lots of jokes to entertain me sia....hahahahaah...realli....i just can't enough of it. hahahahahahahhahaha......and i lost to her in checkers. hmm...these days i seemed to lose in everything. But at least i have fun!! that's the most important thing yeah? =PpP

Why Make It Strong To Break It Once Again?

so true

2004-12-15T11:51:00.000+08:00

this result is significantly true in describing me.

Attractive personality. (um...)
sexy. (true! =X)
Affectionate.(um...)
Shy and reserved.( untrue)
Secretive. (sometimes)
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. (generous that part is untrue. )
Loves peace and serenity. (true and untrue)
Sensitive to others. (um...)
Loves to serve others. (alright)
Easily angered. (Ooo...true)
Trustworthy. (i think so...)
Appreciative and returns kindness. (true)
Observant and assesses others. (sometimes)
Revengeful. (true)
Loves to dream and fantasize.(true!)
Loves traveling. (why not?)
Loves attention. (true)
Hasty decisions in choosing partners.(true)
Loves home decors. (not realli)
Musically talented. (um...not true)
Loves special things. ( TRUE)
Moody.(TRUE)

lyricss

2004-12-14T23:52:00.000+08:00

just hope that everyone would sing along. =>

"My Only Wish This Year"

Last night I took a walk in the snow.

Couples holding hands, places to go

Seems like everyone but me is in love.

Santa can you hear me

I signed my letter that I sealed with a kiss

I sent it off

It just said this

I know exactly what I want this year.

Santa can you hear me.

I want my baby (baby, yeah)

I want someone to love me someone to hold me.

Maybe (maybe, maybe maybe.)

he'll be all my own in a big red bow

Santa can you hear me?

I have been so good this year

and all I want is one thing

Tell me my true love is near

He's all I want,

just for me underneath my christmas tree

I'll be waiting here.

Santa thats my only wish this year.

oohhh ohh yeah

Christmas Eve I just can't sleep

Would I be wrong for taking a peek?

Cause I heard that your coming to town

Santa can you hear me? (yea yeah)

Really hope that your on your way

With something special for me in your sleigh

Ohh please make my wish come true

Santa can you hear me

I want my baby (baby)

I want someone to love me someone to hold me

Maybe (maybe maybe)

we'll be all the love under the mistletoe

Santa can you hear me

I have been so good this year

And all I want is one thing

Tell me my true love is near

He's all I want just for me

Underneath my christmas tree

I'll be waiting here

santa thats my only wish this year

I hope my letter reaches you in time

Bring me love can call all mine(yeah yeah)

cause I have been so good this year

.Can't be alone under the mistletoe

He's all want and a big red bow

Santa can you hear me (hear me?)

I have been so good this year

And all i want is one thing

Tell me my true love is near

He's all I want. just for me

Underneath my christmas tree

I'll be waiting here (ohh yeah)

santa thats my only wish this year

Oh santa can u hear me?

oh santa

Well hes all I want just for me underneath my Christmas tree

Oh I'll be waiting here

Santa thats my only wish this year.

survey

2004-12-14T22:35:00.000+08:00

TWO NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. Leonghan 2. hanhan

TWO THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1.my bubbly personality 2. my honesty

TWO THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF: 1. me falling in love easily 2.getting angry easily.

TWO THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND: 1. human emotions. 2. human reactions

TWO THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU: 1. sying 2. my mom.

TWO THINGS THAT SCARE YOU: 1. being hurt 2. snakes

TWO OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS: 1. time 2. love

PEOPLE YOU SPEND THE MOSTTIME WITH: 1. my family 2. my frens

TWO THINGS YOU CAN'T DO: 1. smoke and drink 2. fall in love

TWO OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: 1. sports ( badminton, basketball..etc) 2. flirting with my baby. =X

TWO THINGS YOU WANT REALLY BAD RIGHT NOW: 1. hah...dun get me into confession again 2. 100 X'mas wishes!

TWO CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:1. lecturer 2. psychologist

TWO PLACES YOUWOULD GO ON VACATION: 1. Germany 2. hawaii for dasunset

TWO PEOPLE YOU WOULD WANT LEFT IN YOUR LIFE IF YOU WERE TO LOSE EVERYONE ELSE: ZZz...i wun answer this YET.

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: hahaha...wad a question to ask...hmmm...1. thanks everyone for their love and care and experiences that i'll never leave behind...that's all i guess...

dio it low

2004-12-14T17:25:00.000+08:00

dip it low
Message:
1.Color of most clothes you own:__+ white

2.Number of pillows you sleep with:__+ 3 pillows

3.What room are you in right now?__+ my bro's bedroom. ( he's not using it anyway. =P)

4.What were you doing 12AM last night:__+ snoring away. Zz ...haha

5.How old will you be in 10 years:__+ twenty six.

6.What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years: __+ busy with my career

7.Do you have braces?__+ nu uh

8.Are you paranoid?__+ sometimes. =X

9.Describe your wallet?__+ it's grey and inside has lots of love letters. lolz (kidding)

10.Your alarm clock?__+ its red and black

11.Your hair?__+ biscuit. that's the name of colour of the dye i used.

12.Tooth brush?__+ navy

13.What color are your nail?__+ i don't keep my nails. =X

14.What color are your eyes?__+black. though i prefer it to be brown. lols

15.First tattoo?__+ haf none

16.First enemy?__+ wait...it depends on how u see it. i never regard anybody as my enemy. oh yeh there's one: melydia.. haax funny how she can be a frend too.

17.First play/musical/performance? __+ gee. i forgot. i think in sg..

18.Last cigarette?__+ whuts the big deal?

19.Last movie seen in cinema?__+ Ocean's twelve. it sucks!

20.Last person you yelled at?__+ my mom. ops

21.Last crush?__+ nyehehe. u wont get me to confess lah.

22.Last ice cream eaten?__+ lime.

23.Last thing written by hand?__+ i miss her now...

25.Last time wanting to die:__+ never

26.your love life:__+ hahax...wad about it?

27.Last Thing u do wen u wake up:__+ last thing i do when i wake up? whut the hell?

eddy

2004-12-13T23:02:00.000+08:00

yawn......went bowling early this morning without having my breakfast ( hey, i striked! lolz... common lor =X) ....makan...find Eddy's ex gf....( she's damn Cute and sweet!! esp when she smiles. =X) go eddy's father's office....took some medical test. and this test actually examines my body's immune system and the results shows that mine is very very weak....i was like...."expected lar" sigh...den went to watch Ocean's twelve along with eddy's gf...den went home den online den wanna sleep now...ciao.. oh yea...and i got a new earring. lolz...looked extremely nice. elaborate next time lar....tiredd...yawn...and the movie sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

beng ar

2004-12-12T23:19:00.000+08:00

Once i reached home this morning, immediately the first thing that i did is to puke. no bluff...i drank a few sips of the steamy piping hot Absolute Vodka which is exceptionally kick~! last night and pooh....i just nauseated. lolz..well, i asked for it and i deserved it lar. hahaha...feeling very awful now....yuck....Well, you must be wondering where do i get the alcohol. hahaha...Actually, lipbeng organised a gathering amongst the ex-riversidianS. instead...hahaha...only 4 turned up. the rest of them just cheated on him. sigh...poor Beng.... hahaha...well well well, at least there's one voluptuous pretty pink hot sweet gal there. phew, my face just got very red that night. those who saw me drink b4 should know about it. lolz... i can't hold liquor and i'll be drunk easily. phew....T-I-P-S-Y. and the whole of last night i din sleep a wink..............fuck lar..........

hmm.. after i got home and slept barely for 2 hours, den my mum just shook me up and asked me to go for an Education fair in pan pacific hotel to FIND OUT MORE ABOUT MY FUTURE. i was like....wtf? can't i sleep for abit more? i din sleep the whole night leh? ZZz...eventually, i still obediently went to the edu. fair lar...cos i wanna go there take my lunch. feeling extremely hungry after vomitting then. hahaha...serious.....

hmm...there, the edu. fair was simply fantastic. well, for one, there are many pretty pretty hot chiqs that are around my age, searching for their future college as well. if not for this reason, perhaps i wun even wanna go there. =X haha....kiddin...you think my purpose of going there just to blow whistle and stare ar? hahaha...liew....a little part of it is b'cos of this reason lar..lolz...hmm...well, in the edu. fair, i met some very interesting people. A psychiatrist ( i hope i spelt it correctly? ) lolz.... well, we just sat down and chatted continuously. After i told him some stuff and about my personality, he can actually infer, predict what i was thinking then. i was like....gosh.....can you read minds? well, that's amazing!! then then, there was this eyes big big gal keeps pestering about what courses i would like to choose... wah...irritating sia....somemore ask me whether wanna go cafe and drink? i was like wtf? with you? forget it pls.....lolz...

since it's holidays, my mum suggest i go take up bakery courses. only 1 mth...wah liew.....as if sia.....Zzzz....baking breads and cookies and cakes? inside, i was asking myself, "wah...wad's your motive of asking me to take up this course sia....bake for you to eat meh?ZZz" lolz

music

2004-12-11T13:40:00.000+08:00

ahaha...so i went for my first drumming lesson today. lolz...fortunately i have a friendly and humorous music instructor. lolz.. hmm..well, drumming is cool. lolz. hmm...since today is my first lesson, so i tot i need to be punctual.... and blah.... well, guess wad, he's the one who's late. Zzz...haha...but he's a BUSY ( yea rite...busy is some ways) so i guess i understand. lolz....hmm...den he told me he went "fucking around yesterday. " now.... these are his exact words....sigh....

And and as i was waiting for Mr. Lai ( my music instructor) to come to the music room, there was this 16 year old pretty sweet receptionist who keeps talking and talking. haha...very chatty gal....hmm...den i was like filling some forms, den she suddenly told me " hmmm...are you left-handed? left-handed people are very clever." (because i'm left-handed. lolz....) and so i decided to shoot her back by saying: "so do you mean right-handed people are stupid?" haha...for that moment she was realli lost for words, and so i just smile at her and ask whether she's left-handed also lar...haha...just to move her to some other conversation.

but i guess i wasn't musically talented. the music instructor said i was too eager to learn and unable to relax and concentrate and my hands are not coordinating and many mistakes and blah...aiya...quite depressing lar...sigh...den somemore suddenly the trading company suddenly called me up to inform me that i'll only be starting work in January...wtf? what am i gonna do for the next 2 weeks...sigh....boring.....

my first job.

2004-12-10T17:32:00.000+08:00

hmm...Well, to start off my day with, i went to buy a new pair of badminton shoes.yeahh!!!! ( cos my previous pair is kinda wearing off?), it's one with orange strips and white(orange? lolz. dun ask me why i chose this colour. i just like it. lolz) subsequently went to play badminton with guys and a gal. oh gosh.... she's good and i lost to her!! hmm... and the reason i lost is not because i gave in to her you know. i guess. lolz.

The Fact : My heart beat approximately 120 times per minute whenever i see a hot chiq. But todae, my heart beat approximately to the maximum of 180 times per minute! well, it's not because i see some REAL hot chiq, but i think i'm losing my health? sigh....i got tired realli easily and my beat is beating fast!!!! whenever i play Single matches. my god....my stamina is gone. some possible reasons could be.........1. i smoked? well, not many times lar....i quitted. 2. insufficient rest? 3. i've not work out since october. i estimate? cos that time busy preparing for O's. and so, i realli got very fed up with myself.........losing every matches and panting heavily like a dog after every match. sigh.......hmm....MUST start to exercise now. lolz

hmm....and so everybody has a job already.....except for me. lolz....Well, i 've got one now. lolz....so you guys must be asking me where i work and wad i work as yea...........so let me answer you lor......lolz. hmm...currently i'll be working in a trading company as an accountant! Seriously, i dunnoe why even the boss employed me. i'm onli a freshly graduated student. and have onli an O' level cert. (erm...not realli have the cert. yet? ) hahas....man~....i'm realli taken aback. hmm....guess i did well during my interview? lolz....haha....aiya....starting work next week. from 9 - 5. great..........actually, i was quite distress when the boss told me that he'll be onli giving me a token for my work and not SALARY and the amount realli depends on my working attitude and my contribution to the firm. but things just got a twist, which i din realli know why.....his secretary, which look "fuh..." lolz....called me and said the salary would be RM 1200. i was like.........OMG. so much? i mean......for a not even graduated student? wow........just hope that they wun put too much stress on me? i guess i'll be useless to the company. my accounts....um.....sucks all the time? lolz...aiya....all write all profit den can ler rite? working for one month onli anyway....lolz......and i'm the youngest in the office.

oh and i just had a chat with hilmi and alloy. well, they have a job also. hahaha...hm...actually,,,um.... the both of them were working only as office boy. lolz....the name of this job just made me luf? lolz..."Office boy"!!!! then alloy start telling me about how pretty and um....blossom his colleagues are. lolz....but then, i was quite surprised that both of them have the time and opportunity to online to chat with me?lolz.... they just mentioned that everyone was having meeting except for the 2 of them....lolz...so the whole office like "belongs" to them for the moment. and and that clown even suggest to call my hp in order to waste the company funds. lolz.......hahaha....gosh.......

One funny part of the conversation that i had with alloy......
Alloy : you know something, i think it's not my mother that gave birth to me.
Leonghan : haha...den wad? your father gave birth to you ar? lolz
Alloy : no...it's the secretary ( Jessica) that gave birth to me...
Leonghan: ( i was like huh? lol! ) hahaha...
Alloy: my name should be jessicametal...no...should be jessicalogy......

hahaha....i dunnoe if you guys find it funny.......but i was indeed Laughing Out Loud. lolz

questionaire

2004-12-09T20:56:00.000+08:00

Just another Questionaire.
fiLl iN e tYpe oF gUys/gAls yOu liKe..
1. need to be same skool?>>> Nope...but same sch better...got much more stuff to talk about?

2. when he/she go out,he will bring you out?>>> err. dunt have to? i'm not that possessive.

3. ah beng/ah lian or guai kia/ the girl next door?>>> wahlaneh.....ah lian? cos not. girl next door? maybe.......

4. got tattoo?>>> i'm fine with it?

5. stay near you?>>> no want.....later everyday see her will see until sianz =X

6. he/she cares everything about you?>>> not everything lah.....are we toking bout wife or girlfriends?? heex

7. jealously strong or not?>>> strong.

8. taller than you or shorter?>>> shorter lar...zz

9. rich or normal?>>> haha....rich? den she'll feed me lor... lolz... nah...kidding.... the truth is i dun realli mind? cos the MAN should be the one supporting their wife ma..lolz

10. with hair style or normal?>>> um...i dun realli understand this question. lolz... at least she must have hair? hahahaha

11. dye hair or not?>>> preferred dyed hair...

12. playful or serious?>>> playful most of the time and serious also.

13. popular or not?>>> not popular i guess.. if not later i'll get jealous if other guys also want her....lolz

14. flirt or faithful?>>> faithful? but must flirt with me first ah....hahaha!

15. clever than you or not?>>> clever? but not too clever lar...latta she'll cheat on me! hehez.

16. mature or childish?>>>mature and childish. =) if you know wad i mean...lolz

17. dote you or not?>>>DUH

18. punk or rocker or hip hop?>>> Um.....

19. will bring u home to let his parents see?>>> why not?

20. msg you all the time?>>>no lah...call me better rite? haha...den can listen to her sweet sweet voice ma..lolz.

21. understanding or not?>>> yesh but not extremely understanding to the extent that she starts neglecting me.lolz

22. got many ex or what?>>>whutsup with the ex? hahaha.

23. sporty or not?>>> sporty? den at night can have fun.....=X

24. SmOkEr Or NoT?>>>non-smoker lar....wad a question....

truth

2004-12-09T02:58:00.000+08:00

it's 2am plus plus now.( going to three already.) and i'm only chatting with kim alone.well, the conversation starts from 12 till now. 3 hours. gracious. well, she plays the role of a kindred spirit to listen to my problems.and she related a lot........well the most ever since we became frens. she just ask me to shh...and so i'll. i'm not breaking another person's trust again. =) *tired now*

moreover, had an awakening conversation with penny also. some of the things we chat about....that we as human must face up reality
we need to get to the root of the problems
we cannot have any regrets even if i failed.
dont always blame people, spend more time on how to solve, not blame

hmm..i'm just currently going thru an emotional moment. let this soon be over.

fuh

2004-12-08T21:10:00.000+08:00

2 trailer park girls go round the outsideround the outside,
round the outside
[Repeat Refrain 1]
[Refrain 2]
Guess whos back, back again
Shadys back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back,guess who's back
Guess who's back...

yeAh...i'm back....lolz. must make it like some sort of grand entry ma.. accompanied by the song of eminem. lolz. ok..so just let's start talking about myself first. hmm...these few days, my aunt taught me the correct way to medidate and "obtain enlightenment" and become the perfect person ( which is theoratically impossible.). ok..maybe she's not so professional.haha.. but at least...it works! i did find out sth about myself,which i din realise for my entire life. lolz.

turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ( nice phrase right? i thought of it myself de leh while i was meditating..lolz)

and so many of you should have know the habit of me of like to boast yea? Now only i realised that there's link to thisss....from young, my parents have preferred my bro to me. ( which means, they're bias lar.) and sadly, my bro is smarter than me, more handsome than me, more physically stronger than me....basically just more of everything....(sometimes, i'm just purely green with jealousy that he's blessed) and so everytime when i have little achievements or anything, i'll tend to boast about it. this is jus another way to determine my strength and capabilities. but i guess this is all wrong. speciality needs to be discovered, not shown. moreover, i guess everyone is unique is some ways. there must be something that i'm better than him. at least........i guess.

it's just a little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset......

my second weakness is that i get angry very easily. i know i know i know....i know that i'm a temperamental person who get irritated easily. Guess i'm just born with it. or may be, i'm just purely not satisfied with life and what i have. eh....why am i talking so much philosophical stuff ar...i should be spouting nonsense one rite...hmm...this is strange..

girlfriend is to dote, coax and hoax, not play, fun and dump. i dunnoe whether i was wrong or right.....

this following paragraph is about my baby. hmm..and so i just wanna explain some thingsss...i'm angry with you b'cos you lied to me. this whole relationship suddenly just seemed to be a scheme that you've plotted. i know i shouldn't be doubting you and everything...but it's just that you relate too little to me. you're hiding something. and so it seems. Do you think i want you to leave, when you mean so much to me? and i also hate it when you revealed that you've so little trust in me.....

You don't need
To act surprised'
Cause there's no room
For selfish pride
So let's push love to the limit
And life to the edge
I've only one request of you
Stay a while
there're some things that i need to apologise....
i'm sorry for showing sying that msg. it's a mistake. i know i shouldn't say this but i think that it's only a small mistake. it's she who makes it big. it's she who is manipulating the trust that we shared. if only you see it in my way....

i'm sorry for getting angry easily and being such a hot-tempered person. many a times, i tend to angered my tone. i'm sorry......

hmm...how come suddenly it seems like confession time ar...lolz.......

I am thinking of you (that's right)
In my sleepless solitude tonight (yeah)
If it's wrong to love you (like that)
Then my heart just won't let me be right'
Cause I've drowned in you (aha)
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side (oh yeah)

so now hereby let me ask you this,
will you still want me,
will you still be calling me,
will you still be loving me,
cos i've been loving you....

so now let's talking about the selfish-est person that i've ever met. in my point of view, this bitch has been doing nothing but to break us up.( that we're not realli together.) She consistently think that me and her can never be together. in my eyes, i guess she's someone who's jealous that a guy who devotedly love her best fren and yet she's single and so she wants her best fren to be single as well. at least, this is only my point of view and it sounds logical.

hmm...very sleepy now......blog next time. Zz

wad have i done...

2004-12-04T06:41:00.000+08:00

what have i done??....i just hung up on her......i'm outta my mind...i wish she could just scold me now and talk some sense into my head. ( what i did was absolutely unexplainable and irrational)
ok...so things just start with a mistake of mine blurting out some nonsense. and so i thought so much for a freaking day that everything just freak out, i peeped at my horoscope todae.
it says....
Whatever you're feeling will tumble from your mouth if you're not careful, but that will work out just fine. It's important to liven things up a bit every now and then with an unexpected statement. It's just your turn.
i was totally awe-struck when i read this. it just...happened...oh man~ wadever i had done was a mistake. in the first place, i shouldn't have showed sying the msg and got carried away and boast to her and built up her self doubt and jealousy. so, eventually, it's all my fault. grr....hate to admit things...
i was so tensed that i woke up at 3 and just kept thinking and reflecting about things. den suddenly got the urge to call sying at 5+ jus to try my luck to see if she's awake. eventually, she did pick up the phone and the misunderstanding was cleared. ok, maybe i'm just summarising things, but i think it's just fine. no point elaborating. alright, but, in my mind, i kept wondering this, why did she persistently want me to give her up, perhaps she just doesn't have a guy who like her that much. that's just my inference lar. she just kept repeating "forget her...foget her" kinda disturbing...oh...as we chatted. she said she got stomach pain and wanna shit. i was like wad the fuck?!
but, at least i found out some truth that M has told me...so i guess...that's it. Pooh...everything's over. Soon. so much for my happy ending. since tis blog is made for melydia and now that i know she only liked me for one particular night, but not now, so i guess i'll just close down this blog. anyone who's reading this. forget about coming here again. it just doesn't worth your time.

first date

2004-12-03T20:42:00.000+08:00

hmm...i din realli know how to begin the happenings of today, so um...just let's start with how i feel about everything ar...Ok...so from the first moment that i met her, she looks realli awesome, sweet, stunning, mesmerizing, lovely just like the way she's b4 lar. lolz... oh... and she just reborn her hair. Well, before and after she reborn her hair, she has different kind of appeal ar. hahaha..hard to explain.

a conversation that interrupt my blogging process. i've got no mood to continue.

frens forever?? says:
and about that poem
frens forever?? says:
do u even know how she got it??
frens forever?? says:
well
frens forever?? says:
well
frens forever?? says:
well
i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
i tot she wrote it herself?
frens forever?? says:
i donno
frens forever?? says:
i not saying anything that can betray her, i'm not doing the TRIPLE Bs here
i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
well, i'll ask her myself de
frens forever?? says:
i donno anything AND i din tell u anything on how she did e poem, so don u tell her wad i say cos i say nothing
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
wad's impt is wad's come out from her mouth
frens forever?? says:
if she had loved u she won't even ask lip hai and me along becos she don wan to be alone with u?
i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
that's your point of view,i dun realli care
frens forever?? says:
wad's the pt of u liking her and her heart is still with shawn and NEVER with u
i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
if wad u said is true,den i'm just a fool all along
frens forever?? says:
that's not my point of view it's e fact
i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
and on the whole i'm being played
frens forever?? says:
YES!!now u got m,e
i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
and are you happy to hear this,u think i never consider this
frens forever?? says:
ur not being PLAYED..
i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
i did u noe
frens forever?? says:
ur just a fool
i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
if you're so sure, why not u just ask mel to online, and settle this once and for all,let's find out whether i'm realli a fool
frens forever?? says:
she says she's tired
frens forever?? says:
ur a fool
frens forever?? says:
ur a fool,and u know that
i'm gonna write yr name in the sky,at least that's what i'll try;and e most marvelous thing i'll do,is to tell the world iu.. says:
u noe wad i think, i've considered myself being a fool,but do you have the evidence, i get your point you know and i know it very well, but, but, whether i am a fool it's not for you to decide, perhaps i've waste my feelings, perhaps i've wasted my time, but this is not the end, she's also has been a fren to me all along, someone who would be tehre for me, and she's someone i'm happy to chat with,now this is wad i call love you know, you're happy to find out that she's missing you, even the simplest word taht she says, even the most insignificant action that she does, it mean something to me, it's sometihng that i'll appreciate, i hope you'll understand wad i mean, that's all i wanna say.

poems

2004-12-01T16:04:00.000+08:00

JET
Why do I always feel this way?
I feel so lonely because you're so far away.
This feeling stays everyday,
I can always see your face everytime I lay.

Oh, please tell me why;
You make me feel like I can fly?
Everytime I see you pass by,
Cause I really don't know why.

I hope someday you'll notice me;
And someday it's gonna be me you'll see.
That you can look at me closely.
And feel that I love you so dearly.

I always see you smiling,
I guess that's the one that gives me the feeling.
The feeling that it's you that forever I'll be loving.
Oh, it makes me feel like I'm really flying.

We may be opposite in some views
But really they are just few
Not enough to destroy one foundation
Cause breaking away is A mere imagination.

I don't want to be the one to tell you;
Because there's nothing else I can do;
You're not giving me any clue;
That you're feeling that my love
for you is true.

I really appreciate your genuine care
though my reaction to it is bare
you've been unselfishly kind enough
to show some smile and make me laugh.

No, I will never forget,
The day the two of us met;
The day that I didn't regret,
When my heart zoomed like a jet.

my blog

2004-12-01T09:23:00.000+08:00

alright, so i admit i had encountered some minor + mojor difficulties in editting my blog.( hey, i spent at least six hours figuring out the scripts and searching for wallpaper and the shoutbox thingy etc. etc.) But at least i tried to explore it and aimed for the perfection right? ahaha...hmm..in this way, then i wouldn't need to rely on my brudda to always do the editting for me ler ma. felt realli paisay always asking him to do this do that. Well, of cos he has provided lots of assistance in the construction of this blog so thanks a lot yea. on the flipside, note that the first hand(ME!!!) does a better job. hahaha...On the whole, my brudda kai jun deserves the credit as well lar. hmm...i'm still figuring out how to upload song. lol.. somehow, i feel that my blog is kinda simple. hmm...but at least it's not messy.

and so last night i received an extremely sweet and touching message from my dear. asking me to get well and blah...hahaha..felt realli awesome to be loved and cared. lol...

questions

2004-11-30T20:40:00.000+08:00

> what if....
>
>
> *one day you suddenly lost all your memories?
> my baby will help me recover the memories. lolz
>
> *you saw the one you love died in from of you in a bloody death?
> i...i...i...cry and pray to God not to take his/her life so early.
>
> *a woman tells you that shes your real mother?
> i have only one mum.
>
> * everything in this world banished and you are left alone?
> it's already as good as dead?
>
> * one day your doc told you that you got a death threatening disease?
> i dunnoe...
>
> * you are able to see supernatrual things and have special powers?
> u have no idea.....lolz
>
> * one day everyone has no feelings and the world cant feel?
> huh? no feelings? no love = no more leonghan...lol
>
> * you are given a week's time to look for osama?
> wad for? he's already considered dead.
>
> * you are rated the world biggest racist?
> me racist? um...i'll then bleach my skin like michael jackson.
>
> * you are the last woman/man on earth?
> make every women my wives? lolz
>
> * you are given a chance to go to heaven and have a tour?
> no want.
>
> * your friends betray you till everyone inluding your family despise you?
> hm...i dunnoe
>
> * no one remembers that you exist?
> -there's only one person i care about. =X
>
> * your government say all children above 15 must be married?
> hahaahaa...that's an immatured thing to do.
>
> * your in a lost world?
> -ain't i living one?
>
> * we know that theres a myth that everyone has 9 life(s)....what if this is your last?
> -den too bad lor.
>
> * this is the end of the survery?
> - Ooooh. Ok!

the call

2004-11-30T16:23:00.000+08:00

Yawn...the cough is not getting better. but at least i can hear my baby's sweet voice. *grinz*

what's on my mind now...

2004-11-30T11:39:00.000+08:00

1. Melydia's words. (To me, a sorrie and take care is just ain't enought to cure my "illness". perhaps i expected too much, perhaps you're just ain't serious.)
2. the prom night. (hehe...kinda unforgettable. and kinda many ppl complimented that i looked nice on that day.lol.. ok..shall not brag.)
3. my flu, my fever, my sore throat, my headache. (argh....)
4. is my O finish yet? ( it's just too sudden and unbelievable.)
5. a song by Will Young - leave right now. ( i'm still figuring out how to upload a song in my blog. no patience at all in doing this. lol)
6. i wanna learn how to play drums and guitar. (that's my dream)
7. smooching can help to lose weight? i wanna try...lol (of cos with someone i love, not jus some bitch)
8. the misunderstanding that i had with the colour black and white. hmm...(tian, you should know. paisay lar..haha)
9. i love my hair. (well, at least it's not normal.)
10. the word voluptuous. (hehe....)
11. echoes of my bro's whinning. irritating sia...
12. Shutter, the movie. (Fuh...)
13. food...(i'm extremely hungry right now.)
14. purple colour. (no particular reason.)
15. computer games. ( this is my last resort IF i realli have nth to do)

doctor and tian

2004-11-29T21:00:00.000+08:00

and so i was sick. finally. but fortunately is play until sick. lolx.. and and just now i actually have the courage to borrow a stethoscope from the doctor. lolx..den just listen to my heartbeat for a while. hey...it's realli a cool stuff..lol. hm...but then like that cannot go out with hamster tmr. sigh....and den she sounded like "i dun realli care"

suan liao lor...

aiya...so it's the real tian who tag on my blog. lol...i tot that cigarette boi did one lol...and somemore i said something that was realli realli wrong. sorrie...Black rite. i remembered. lol

questions

2004-11-29T18:30:00.001+08:00

> what if....
>
>
> *one day you suddenly lost all your
> memories?
> my baby will help me recover the memories. lolz
>
> *you saw the one you love died in from of you
> in a bloody death?
> i...i...i...cry and pray to God not to take his/her life so early.
>
> *a woman tells you that shes your real
> mother?
> i have only one mum.
>
> * everything in this world banished and you
> are
> left alone?
> it's already as good as dead?
>
> * one day your doc told you that you got a
> death threathening disease?
> i dunnoe...
>
> * you are able to see supernatrual things
> and
> have special powers?
> u have no idea.....lolz
>
> * one day everyone has no feelings and the
> world cant feel?
> huh? no feelings? no love = no more leonghan...lol
>
> * you are given a week's time to look for
> osama?
> wad for? he's already considered dead.
>
> * you are rated the world biggest racist?
> - me racist? um...i'll then bleach my skin like michael jackson.
>
> * you are the last woman/man on earth?
> make every women my wives? lolz
>
> * you are given a chance to go to heaven and
> have a tour?
> no want.
>
> * your friends betray you till everyone inluding
> your family despise you?
> hm...i dunnoe
>
> * no one remembers that you exist?
> -there's only one person i care about. =X
>
> * your government say all children above 15
> must be married?
> hahaahaa...that's an immatured thing to do.
>
> * your in a lost world?
> -ain't i living one?
>
> * we know that theres a myth that everyone
> has 9 life(s)....what if this is your last?
> -den too bad lor.
>
> * this is the end of the survery?
> - Ooooh. Ok!

damn it

2004-11-29T18:30:00.000+08:00

kao...something happen to my blog...grrrr.....*extremely irritated.ZZZZZZz....arghhhhhhhhh

elaboration

2004-11-29T18:11:00.000+08:00

hmm...in order to fulfill your request, i shall elaborate some of the stuff that i did todae ok? to start off with, last night i only slept fitfully. My bro and mum erupted into a heated argument. waking up with a stir, i refuse to interrupt the hot bed. the issue they were quarrelling was about property i guess. sigh... i guess my mum has long predicted it. anyway, let's not talk about those unhappy stuff. hmm...todae i also went to the place where i was robbed. the feeling was kinda um...memorable actually. then, i just sat there and recollected what actually happened that day. hmm... simply - i was ROBBED. hehe...

the prom night was absolutely fantastic. I feel like a man on that day. For once. haha...there's a feeling of me being a MAN. oh...i'm repeating myself. but realli...many of us realli looked different. and and i have to stare twice b4 i recognise anyone. i think i got drunk on soft drink.hahaha perhaps someone spike my drink on that day. i felt so high.

and hell yea... alloysius was crowned as the prom king. that's just his lucky day. (i said tis b'cos i'm jealous. =X nah...he deserves it) subsequently comes the dance and fuh...fuh...fuh...

3 days 2 nights stay in alloysius house was great. many jokes.

i dunnoe wad else to say. perhaps you're right. i dun feel like talking much these days. i dunnoe why myself.

prom night

2004-11-27T23:16:00.000+08:00

hmm...before i went for prom night, while i was bathing, my baby turned off the light. but i like it. =P
i miss her a lot now.....

prom night was the bestest night i ever had. for my 16 years, this is the kickest night.
better not elaborate too much...=X

i miss her a lot now....

Oh...she said she missed me a little bit also...hahaha KICK~

after O's

2004-11-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

Day 1 after O's...
5.45 - chemistry paper ended.
5.45 - 5 - shouted in the 4th floor.
5 - 5:30 - makan
7:30 - reach home.
8:30 - bathed, changed, went to liphai's house.
9 - reached kang wei's house to celebrate his b'dae party.
...until 12 - play cards.

Day 2
12 - next morning 8 - in cybercafe.
8-9 - makan roti prata.
9-10 - went back home, retrieved some clothing and went to liphai's to stay overnight.
10 - 5:30 - games.
5:30 - 7 - makan.
7:30 - 9:30 - watched the incredibles.
9:30 - 4 - play games.

Day 3
9 - woke up.
9 - 11 - makan roti prata.
11 - 1:30 - church.
2 - 5 - shopping.
5 - 7 -cybercafe.
7 - 9 - chat wif liphai's parents.
9 - 4 - games.
4 - 5 - wrote a poem for my baby.

Day 4
9 - wake up.
den i went home to pack a few shirt for the class chalet.
12:30 - 1 - train rides.
1 - 2 - makan burger king.
2 - 5 - soccer, cycling, learned roller blading.
5 - 7 - swimming.
7 - 9 - makan, drink and um...
i was drunk...
10 - swimming
11 - 2 - mahjong, bath ( the guys bathed together, NAKED)

DAy 5
2-3 -sleep
3- 4 - wake up to eat. kinda like supper but i ate 2 chicken wings, 7 hotdogs, 2 otak-otak. hahaha..
4-5 sleep
5 - 7 - watch sunrise
7 - 9 - makan.
9 - 10 sleep.
10 - 12 - makan and chat and chill.
12 - 3 - at shopping centre and watch the Shutter. damn. this movie is scary.
3 - 5:30 - at escape.
5:30 - 7:30 - go back malaysia.
7:30 - 12 - clara's b'dae party.
sleepzzzzzzzzzzz

Day 6
woke up at 7 to go to singapore.
i was very tired.
dyed my hair, drink, went to alloy's house.
go home sleep
at night online.
tis is todae.
it is so kick.
my first time at home after the o's/
my parents like my hair colour but i don.
i miss my baby alot.
but she seemed to be ignoring me.
i realli misss her to the core.
feels like an idiot. wanna sleep ler.
K.O.

horoscope 2

2004-11-24T23:05:00.000+08:00

Pisces & Gemini
When Gemini and Pisces come together in a love affair, they can make a very empathetic and mutually satisfying couple. Gemini is cerebral, quick-witted and silver-tongued, and can bring a dash of humor and intellectual direction to help focus Pisces's dreamy view of the world. Pisces has the gift of intuitive empathy; they connect very well with others on a rather subtle emotional level, and their dreamy nature makes them quite open-minded -- in short, Pisces expects the unexpected. Gemini is open-minded as well; mentally both agile and flexible, the Twins are gifted at seeing all sides of an issue and at communicating with other people. This relationship is all about flexibility and connection.

Gemini and Pisces make great friends as well as lovers. Pisces is rather emotionally sensitive and can get their feelings hurt when brash Gemini speaks without thinking. But even when they do have problems, these partners can forgive and forget easily. Neither Sign sees any reason to hold a grudge, Pisces because they understand their partner's true intentions, and Gemini because they simply don't have the time to dwell on past hurts.
Gemini is ruled by Mercury (Communication) and Pisces is ruled by Jupiter (Luck) and Neptune (Illusion). Jupiter, about learning and philosophy as well as luck, lends Pisces their desire to know more deeply, and Neptune makes Pisces so dreamy. Mercury is all about quick wit, innovation and invention -- Gemini's watch words. Pisces is able to understand Gemini's frequent new ideas on a deeply intuitive level.

Gemini is an Air Sign and Pisces is a Water Sign. The combination of an intellectual focus with an emotional, intuitive grasp of the world makes decisions much more solid; if these two can work together, they can achieve much. Their only trouble is the communication breakdowns that can result if Pisces feels Gemini isn't understanding enough, or if Gemini feels hampered by Pisces's emotional sensitivity. The good thing is, both try to get over their own hurt feelings quickly.

Gemini and Pisces are both Mutable Signs, thus quite compatible. Both Signs are adaptable, flexible and very able to deal with change. They also tend to change their own minds quite a bit, so it's a good thing they're both so open-minded. Neither Sign needs to take the lead, and they both provide one another with plenty of space and freedom.

What's the best aspect of the Gemini-Pisces relationship? Their mutual interest in cultivating their knowledge and utilizing their intellect. They are well-matched in their flexibility. Their shared interests and similar personalities make theirs a very companionable relationship.

guailaness

2004-11-22T02:06:00.000+08:00

hahahaha...omg...i just did the most obnoxious thing to my brudda (jackson). lolx! i just can't stop laughing about it. When he was bathing happily in the bathroom, i turned off the damn light. i guess his reaction would be " argh...wad happen!? wad the fuck, the chilly water is still running, how come suddenly pitch darK? " lolx.
anyway, just wanna add something, the fact that he's bathing in chill water is because i turned off the heater half-way while he was um...bathing? lolx. don blame me pls. it's after o level and sigh...i just need to get naughty? lolx. and he suddenly shouted out of the bathroom. " EHHHHH...how come the water suddenly so cold?!"
oh...that reaction realli made me erupted in laughter and bend double in laughter. K-I-C-K!!!

Without light, jack can't see the affectionate glow,
Without warm water, jack get the pinning cold,
for the 4 minutes i just lose control,
but this realli made me roll.
suddenly i got so bold,
jack den gave me a KICk Kick scold,
in return, i gave him a punching blow,
good thing a temper he didn't throw,
if not i'll metamorph into a black black mole,
and he'll be so W-o-W!

it just feels so good to see someone so pek chek. ( annoyed)

hmmm

2004-11-14T01:05:00.000+08:00

what will you do IF
1.you find out that you are being followed? ::
um...usually i'll turn around and say, " you wanna come my house?"
2.you lost you hand fone in sch.? ::
i'll steal others' one lor. haha..nah.. jk.
3.the guy/gal you dislike most says he have a crush on you? ::
it's juz a crush. i know that you're not serious.
4.you were given a flute on your birthday?
i prefer a piano.
5.you inherited a million dollars? ::
hehe...*rubbing my hands* hmm....i'll buy everything under the sun.
6.your annoying sibling woke you up when you were having a sweet dream? ::
scream! hahaa...i guess everyone would do that?
7.your pet starts toking to you? ::
_` dumbf0unded.. perhaps sent it to Malaysia's greatest pet show and tell the whole world about it?
8.the teacher give your class a surprise test comprising 7 chapters in your science textbook? :
: _ican handle it? hahaha! nah.....
9.you were to be a boy/gal for one day? ::
explore myself.
10.the person you love is a gay/les? :
: _` eee
11.you got 0/100 for you geography final year paper?
::i'll put a 10 in front of the 0. hahaha.
12.you see Osama walking around Serangoon Central? ::
pull his beard and interiogate him.
13.a fairy give you a wish?
:: _` hehe.. happie l0rz.. =D
14.an alien REALLY abduct your worksheets?
:: _` i'll...i'll...i'll be So overjoy. ha....
15.the person beside you farted during foot drill and a very fierce sir is staring at the squad?
:: _` bear wif de smell l0rz.. yurcksh.. =x
16.you realise holiday is over and you havent complete a single assigment?
:: _` pia thru lah! haha.. 0r else.. copy l0rz.. n0 ch0ice le.. hehe..
17.some clowns kick a soccerball and hit your drink and it splash on your uniform?
:: _P_U_N_C_H him
18.someone pushes you against the wall and starts lunging his tongue down ur throat? ::
HUH?
19.your hair is shave bald by the hair dresser?:: _
share her bald back los.hha
20.this is the last question?::_`
taat's all? sigh....

ANgels and devils

2004-11-11T22:30:00.000+08:00

oh man~, i've met an angel (Kimberly) and a devil (Peny). lazy to elaborate....
let me pose this question to everyone.
Do i look like a flirt?
hmm...i think i look like one now...hahaha

haiz

2004-11-09T15:55:00.000+08:00

my horoscope 9th Nov - If you've been pacifying someone -- and feeling you've let it go on for a tad too long -- consider applying the brakes. Tap them a few times before you come to a complete stop -- but do stop.

i guess my horoscope is right todae. i shouldn't carry on waiting, hoping and getting nothing in the end. sigh... she's driving me crazy. that's all i can say. On the other hand, she's gila also. haha...i dun noe how her mind operates. Unusual.

it's working

2004-11-07T16:07:00.000+08:00

Note: the following is the testimonial that my baby wrote for me.

Report on leonghan:
1. he's very sweet-tongued. ( to you onli ma..hehe)
2. he's very poetic and e poems he composed never fail to touch me. ( alas, somebody knows what i'm writing and appreciates them. haha.)
3. he 'claims' to have a nice body. (erm.) (hmm...it's testified in my testimonial ma.haha)
4. he can sometimes be a bit petty. (eri guess i'm so, cos i'm a rather possesive person ba...)
5. we always quarrel even e smallest things and sometimes it's my fault. (ha...finally you admit what your mistakes ar. haha..hmm..quarrel makes our ties stronger and also allow us to appreciate the existance of each other?.. and i enjoy quarrelling with you. hehe..not exactly lar =X.)
6. he's very clever. (er...)
7. he's abit cassanova haha maybe he has charms. (wad's cassanova?)
8. he's sweet. (to you onli. No one else. hehe..)
9. he treats his frens well. ( i treated you better leh...haha)
10. he's leonghan!haha..(Duh..hehe)

fun fun fun

2004-11-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

i woke up with a stir todae, wondering what was the comotion in the living room. Warping myself in my warm warm blanket, i groped outside and Boo ho ho... my cousins were here!! Ah...they finished their exams already. grr...and i'm like just getting started.sigh.. then, we sat down together and watch ..usually on weekends morning got cartoons ma. And and, todae, i pleaded my mum and displayed my bestest negotiation skills for her to allow me to enjoy the whole day. without a doubt, i pulled thru. heehe...that's me.

Have you wondered how it feels when it’s all over
wonder how it feels when you just have to start anew
Never know it
Where you’re going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be like this
Now I just close my eyes and say.

and so, todae being such a fine and hot weather, we decided to went for a swim. Yeah...without any parental guidance, we took a cab and escaped. hahaa...quickly we changed and leaped into the water. as for me, i wore my nicest new white with red strips de OP bermuda. haha...removing my upper clothing, they were awed by my hunkified body. haha...den i was like showing off to them. "nice right?" grinz.( i mean my bermudas.heez)

I just wanna breath again
Learn to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little
Cry a little
Live a little more
I just wanna face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if I hope a little
Try a little more
I’ll breathe again

and so we soaked under the water and basked under the sun. it was an abosolutely fun day to be with my cousins. you noe, there is this type of feelings of having a sort of relationship but the relationship is undefined and unnatural that is shared btw cousins. ahh...hard to describe and lazy to think of the suitable words oso. it's just special but kinda weird. hahaha..anyway, Fuh...i tell you, going to a swimming pool on saturday afternoon is definitely the wisest day to do so. hot chiqs and spicy babes were costantly flocking around the pool and shashay in and out of the changing room. hey, i know i should like a pervert. but then, you girls mustn't deny that you don't like the attention of being stared at. haha..i just might know wad you're thinking. =X

Starting our again is never easy
Disappointance comes and goes but life still moves on
With a little luck
It’s a brand new start
That might just work my way
Don’t need to walk away
Don wanna live a life with replace

anyway, i'm now feeling heaty now and my whole body is feeling kinda sore. haha... i at least swan 20 laps. hahaha..nah...exxagerating. den, we had roti prata for lunch. (cos we are broke. hehe.) and den we went to watch Shark tale. oh...this movie was funny and cute and very colourful. haha. so here i am now. tired, relaxed, and fuh...tml need to study already. sigh...can't relax too much.. feeling kinda guilty now. play whole day and no study. sigh...

Things will work out fine
If only you can find the courage to look at the night
And see the break of dawn

hmm...suddenly my mind reflect back to what exactly happen yesterday. i was angry. it was pure anger and i mean it. that girl just broke her promise for the 3rd time. i tell you, though inside i do love her very much, but i think this whole relationship was all one-sided. elabarote next time. tired.

english and emaths

2004-11-04T15:56:00.000+08:00

Fuh...to me, the english paper was tough. Just pray for a B3. sigh.......
e-maths was kinda easy. everyone was able to do it. hmm..got some careless mistakes lo.
kaijun, if you're reading this, can help me upload a new song? Jay - kai bu liao kou. thanks. that's all. din feel like elabaroting much....

icredible

2004-11-02T11:35:00.000+08:00

Ooo..the most incredible and awesome cum aweful thing just happened todae! With a blurred and impenetrable fog that overshadowed my vision ,i din realli know where my seat is. So, i went around combing the area looking for my register no. BUt hell....guess wad...tian sat RIGHT NEXT BESIDE me! oh gosh gosh gosh and gosh...then then, we exchanged "hi"s and "goodlucks". haha...i must tell ya...i realli realli can't concentrate during exams and i just...lose it. (my focus. =X)

and and i made a laughing stock of myself todae by pasting the barcode on my question paper. WAH LAO...i feel like killing myself for that. haha...cos cos she saw how dumb i was mar...haha...Zzz...heck care lar...just pray that i wun get into any trouble. haha....i'm realli scared now...even after the exam. Traumatised. =X

anyway, back to the question tat came out todae. hmm...SEQ was OK and for SBQ...sigh...came out sth that is out of topic and relatively sucky. i comprehended the question wrongly. sigh...it was sth about falklands, ( a place which i dunnoe where) i almost yelled "fucklands" haha...Ops....no vulgarities. haha...anyway, over, i tried my best. Juz Pray........................-_-

laast dae

2004-11-01T16:31:00.000+08:00

i heaved a heavy sigh as i crossed out Nov 1 from my calendar. Tmr will be the start of "o" level ler. hmm...i'm 70% prepared for SS. but 0% confidence. there're just too much things to study. i took a risk and read up only 2 themes....it's like out of 8? wah...but then, that's all my brain can take. this morning, i made a silent prayer to God and asked for hints. He divulge that Rise and fall of Venice will be out tmr. Fuh....it must be the work of God if it realli comes out tmr. however, teacher spotted that it has little chance of coming out for this year. God knows. anyway, Good Luck to all, and Good Luck to myself.

breathe again

2004-10-31T17:10:00.000+08:00

argh...argh...argh... i realli realli regret about writing those stuff and i need to take back my foul and cynical words.hehe.. wad wad.. i wanna say now is, sorry tian, that song you sent me, it was absolutely, exceptionally, and extremely nice!! Todae, i was like clearing any rubbish from com and den i saw the song that you sent me. i double-clicked on it and the song was like...OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooo and sooooooooooOOOO touching. hahaha...realli!! kaijun!!!!!!!!! where are you now? i need you to publish this song for me. URGENT!... pls pls this would be the last request that i ask from you. you'll surely like that song as well. tonight pls online. i know "O" is approaching and you neeDDDDD to study.. but...but!!...pls...help me? hahah...thanks a million.

playing______________~breathe again.~

todaeee

2004-10-30T22:03:00.000+08:00

oh...yesterday was just one of those sleepless night again. So so, i became smart this time. i bought 2 VCDs before hand to watch.haha...and some potato chips as well. at this moment, a phrase came into my mind. hehe...this phrase does exist you noe. you can check the dictionary. it simply means to lay down on the couch, have your potatoes in your hands amd enjoy the show.
Perpustakaan. ( in malay, it means library.) so this afternoon, i went there,with a couple of books in my hand. ha...climbing the stairs with double steps, i headed straight to the second floor of the library. Rows of tables and chairs were lined up orderly and the place was dotted with groups of students sitting in circles, carrying out their revision. damn...i'm alone. ha...nvm about that. Surveying and scanning the place, i located myself in a quiet corner lor. So many so many so many couples were sitting together. damn it. i watched them with green jealous eyes. i can't stand it and i fucked off from there immediately. bloody well. giving me soo much PDA. (public display of affection. =X)
TAxi. yea..watched this absolutely cool and fuuny and spicy movie. haha......had great laugh and here i'm lor. sianz. bye lar

gals

2004-10-30T21:51:00.000+08:00

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn't crying, it means she's crying in her heart. (realli?! i doubt it...)
2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her sometime to cool down before touching her heart with an apology.( Duh...)
3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard forher to 'get over him' after the relationship's over.)now this is some true shit.
4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys. (hUH?)
5. When the guy she likes smiles and stares deep into her eyes, she will melt. (nonsense.)
6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usually is not sure how to react to them.(hm...)
7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her.(um...)
So if you treat a girl just as a friend, go easy on the smiles and stare ok?(huh?)
8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.(i never try this b4...ha)
9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you still treat her as a friend, talk to her.
10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel.Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways ofexpressing themselves (which explains whymost girls like writing journals).
11. Never tell a girl that she is useless in anyway.
12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.
13. When the guy she likes calls her for thefirst time, the girl may act uninterested duringthe call. But as soon as the phone is back onthe hook, she will whoop with joy andimmediately start telephoning her friends tospread the news.
14. A smile means a lot to a girl.
15. If you like a girl, try making friends with herfirst. Let her get to know you. (YEA)
16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.
17. But if she still calls you or expect a call fromyou, stay.
18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her. ( i DID. but she never say.)
19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a greatreassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.
20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'llwonder why she never noticed him before.
21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl,read romance stories.(haha....i'll try.)
22. When class pictures come out, a girl wouldfirst check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.(nah.........)
23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays in her heart.
24. Girls love having fun!
25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.
26. A girl's best friends usually know best whatshe is feeling and going through.
27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention to them just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.
28. Love means devotion, caring and happinessto a girl, in that order.
29. Some girls care about looks, some care about brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.
30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

Zero

2004-10-29T10:47:00.000+08:00

Zero

Biting my lips, i stared vacantly at the monitor screen. It was almost uncomprehending and inscrutable to aimlessly carry on waiting for her. Blinded by the glaring lights, i tapped on the switch and immediate darkness drowned the room. Then, lying awake on my bed force a thousand thoughts into my mind, in particularly this question - Is it a form of a blessing or a curse that i am going through? The darkness in my room suddenly seemed to be a mysterious blanket of ink that concealed everything that i witnessed and it also confined to my sole sense - to feel. Cracking an undefined code in my head, it was evident that the answer lies far from a clue. Nevertheless, it still boils down to a zero.

tossing and turning never gets me to sleep. lethargically, i rose my upper-half of my body in a degree that was perpendicular to the lower part of my body. i sat cross-legged, trying to meditate and collect my mind, which i never attempt before. Thousand conceptions invaded my mind but there was only one that appeared apparent. it was her again. i felt around my room and reached for my handphone. Nothing. this emptiness stabbed me viciously and instantly i crossed her out.

Worn out after the frequent combat with myself, again, i liad stilly on my bed and alllow the brilliant and yet colourless light to clear my thoughts. In much apprehension, i questioned myself again, is she true towards me? And then. i black-out.

God

2004-10-27T20:47:00.000+08:00

hmm..So far, i've been rather satisfied with how i did for my exams. My physics praticals has the result (answer) that the teacher obtained as well. However, i don like it when i'm too confident of getting good marks and turn out i actually didn't.Fuh.. Anyway, i feel that all these achievements that i had till now belong to God. He's the one who provided the strength and the one who looked after me. And, not forgetting you ZhiAi, thanks for the constant prayer that you carry out for me. i realli realli appreciate them and Thus, let's sing praises to God.

Last Saturday i watched this movie on Channel 5. it's called " the messenger : the story of Joan of Arc". the theme was based solely on religious(i'm not sure whether it's chatolic or wad..haha..). From this show, i learnt that many a times, we are being tested with the faith that we had in God and there was one part of the film that i'll never forget. Satan appear before Joan and questioned the faith that she had in God. Satan appear in many forms, a child, an old man and also in the form of God. this fallen angel deserved to be sealed in hell. His demonic power should be condemned.grr.......

things different

2004-10-25T15:26:00.001+08:00

Ooo.....Manchested United won. haha...yeah.....i also won myself a meal. and soon, i'll win her heart. =X hehe

lyrics

2004-10-24T22:11:00.000+08:00

That girl will never be mine
First time I saw her at the front door
That girl, her face on every billboard
Hands down, you won't believe the way she laid her eyes on me
Six feet, I spot her from the cat walk
So fly, we got into a small talk
Too bad she had to move along
One smile and she was gone
Can't explain
I never thought that I was gonna lose my head
Call me insane
There's got to be a way
How can I get next to her
Now tell me how it's gonna be done
Will I win or lose this one?(Don't care about the fact that)
She's in a different league
They say it's no use that I try
That girl will never be mine

Next thing, she's livin' in my TV
That girl, stealin' every daydream
Tough luck, she had to be a star when I'm just same old me
But last night, I ran into her briefly
Guess what, she really wanna see me
They said that I was out of line
Who's wrong, who's right this time?
Can't explain
I never thought that I was gonna lose my head
Call me insane
There's got to be a way
How can I get next to her
Now tell me how it's gonna be done
Will I win or lose this one?(Don't care about the fact that)
She's in a different league
They say it's no use that I try
That girl will never be mine
That girl is freakin' me out
Don't care about the fact that she's all that
That girl has blown out the doubt
There's no way for me to stop
That girl tearin' up the big screen
That girl stealin' every daydream
Tough luck, she had to be the one for me
She will be mine
No matter what they try to say
There's got to be a way
I wanna get next to her
Now tell me how it's gonna be done
Will I win or lose this one?(Don't care about the fact that)
She's in a different league
They say it's no use that I try
That girl will never be mine

thanks

2004-10-22T21:37:00.000+08:00

thanks for breaking my heart.

chemistry o

2004-10-21T18:03:00.000+08:00

Fuh, just had the chemistry practicals O level. i wanna tell you this is some real, tough, mind-provoking exam. last nite, i had been so worried that i don even sleep a wink. But then, i've been repeatedly scanned thru the notes so thoroughly that the papers almost tear lor. ha...( exaggerating lar.)
During the whole practical session, my hands were like shaking so uncontrollably that my mind almost went blank lor. sigh, i hate this lar, so pressurizing, it's like if i dun do well for it, i'll leave a permanent mark on my report book. and i wanna do myself proud leh...sigh... anyway, fortunately my titration value was accurate and jus pray that my observations are correct oso. damn, lucky i dun have to go thru this again. i'll rather die. no wonder i read so much about teenagers committing suicide. suffering from depression now. tmd.........Zz
i lost 10 bucks to daniel. damn it. i tot he'll fail his physics. and he actually pass by a 0.5 mark. wtf? zzzzzzzzzzzzz
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh................................

betrayal

2004-10-20T19:58:00.000+08:00

hmm...todae, my brudda just revealed a precision to me and confessed about the fault that he hide from me all along. you know, after he related to me everything, i almost got up and took the chair and slam it hard on his face. i WAS on fire todae. it was just too much for me to handle. Can anyone believe that my fate was once controlled in his hands and he just screwed everything just b'cos he was JEALOUS. sigh...anyway, we can't turn back time and wad done is done. i admit that i INFURIATED but then, sigh....things just can't turn out the way you realli wan ar.? And and, the thing that he SABO about is the thing that i wanted, yearned, and desired for one and a half damn years.. i mean, to think of it again, maybe i forgave him TOO easily. on the other hand, including the fact that he has been HONEST with me, guess, sigh,,,,aiya...........i'm still very sadden and at the same time comforted about this news lar....haiz...wanna sturdy for practicals tmr ler..Zz...and i'm MISSING HER, TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY. (no lie, and pls don question my love.)

guys

2004-10-19T19:31:00.000+08:00

MUST READ! you'll learn one or 2 things for sure.

1. Guys don't actually look after good- looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls. (quite true..haha..but sometimes i do look for good-looking gals =))
2. Guys hate flirts. (who doesn't...duish)
3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards. (not always if the gal is realli who you like.)
4. When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not thinking the way he is. (maybe?)
5. "Are you doing something?" or "Have you eaten already?" are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering. (haha...how you noe that?)
6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about. (this is v.v.v.v.v.v. true..cos every night i think about her. dunnoe for wad also. grrr...haha..)
7. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad characteristics. ( yea lar...ha...)
8. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile. (like duh?)
9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention. ( onli if the gal realli deserve the attention. =X)
10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex- boyfriend. (who doesn't rite? gila....ha...)
11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them. (Zz)
12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can't. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking! (after i drink, i sleep. i can't think straight. haha...honest)
13. Guys cry!!! (not for a gal, it's pathethic =X)
14. Don't provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will. (i believe i did b4. On fire man...haha)
15. Guys can never dream and hope too much. ( i dream alot leh...haha..den cause me to have alot of sleepless nights =( )
16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat. (er...no comments.)
17. When you touch a guy's heart, there's no turning back. (haha...like wad sia....)
18. Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?!..uh...never mind!" would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. ( makes me go hmmm....)
19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands. (of cos lar....Zz...)
20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like. ( i don't?)
21. When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you. ( for me, i 'll reject her straight. haha..)
22. When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow." (hahahaa....very TRUE lor)
23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly. (huh)
24. Guys hate gays! (???)
25. Guys love their moms. (sometimes...)
26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses. ( i wun.)
27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't mean that the guy likes her. ( i dunnoe leh...no gal likes me b4. heee)
28 You can never understand him unless you listen to him. (it's hard to understand guys sometimes...)
29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does. (huh?
30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can. ( for me, yes =X)
31. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses. (hahaha...Ooo...a true crap)
32. Guys are very open about themselves. (yea..)
33. It's good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don't let him wait that long. (umm....?)
34. No guy is bad when he is courting (haha...wad do you mean by this sia?!)
35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot. ( for me, yeahh)
36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that much pretty. ( common sense rite?)
37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.
39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you. ( duh....)
40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else. (yeahhh....like the one....)
41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts. (hmm...dunnoe leh...)
42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one. huh?!
43. Guys virtually brag about anything. (that sounds like me)
44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them. ( i can! realli!)
45. Guys think too much. ( i admit that...)
46. Guys' fantasies are unlimited.(wow...)

tian

2004-10-15T19:06:00.000+08:00

To my sugary tian:
me waiting solemnly in the lonely library,
your music lesson only to be over at two-thirty
we agreed to meet at the junction promptly at three
but fate brought us together earlier outside the WC. (haha...i can't believe this lor..such coincidence. but it did happen sia..haha...gosh...)

Seeing you made me feel like i've just won a lottery
i smiled and then we continued the journey. =)
Walking beside you made me feel bubbly
walking behind you made me feel protective
walking front you made me um...like a leader? haha..
if holding your hand would make you to be my baby

Aimlessly we combed cwp
then we met the mother bugger Steven lee
i tried to divert our way from him
he saw us and became the third party. (i swear i'll kill him next time)

his mouth is foul,
his breath is cynical
his words are blurted nonsensically
F-U-C-K him.

i tried very hard to contain my anger.as certain creatures cannot see in the daytime whilst some others are blind at night, but a man, who is driven to intense anger, does not observe anything, either by day or night.

i ordered the lagsana rice,
you ordered um...i forget.ha
as we eat, we see
stealing glances of you occasionally
bloody steven still refuse to leave,
i almost grab the knife and stab his dick
you related some personal problems shocked me
you try to put up a strong front, i can see
but you must know, my shoulder is always ready.

the best part came finally, (steven was gone!)
it's time for me to send you home personally,
both of us walked side by side awkwardly,
my body is telling me to hold your hand and walk down the corridor affectionately,
my heart is telling me not to act rashly,
as i feel that you dun like me the way you should be,
dragging my feet made me look sloppy?
you asked me to quit this habit and i promise you immediately,
you escalated to the 11th floor and we bid good-byes eventually,
my mind held back for a second maybe,
i regreted of not leaving a kiss on your cheek. Zz

graduation day

2004-10-14T14:49:00.001+08:00

Graduation Day

hmm..yep..todae is my graduation day from my secondary school. As everyone had said, time realli flies. 4 years. must have been thru thick and thin. todae, we proceeded to the hall to listen to some meaningful and memory-refreshing speech. it started off with our principal Mrs Tan delivering the same old story about the frog. but this story is kinda mind-etching and purposeful. haha..it's about many frogs who's in a race to reach the top of eiffel tower. den the supports gave many comments about how tall the tower was and nobody has the ability to climb it. So, many frogs gave up but onli one made it. And the reason is cos the frog is deaf. he's oblivious to the audience who are passing those negative remarks. Morale: turn a deaf ear to ppl's comments, if you were to put your heart and mind into it, success is definitely belongs to you yea? yea...

then, it was followed by the speeches that was delivered by the representatives from each class. Everything sounds so touchy, if i were a teacher, my tears would for sure threaten to pour. =P oh, nearly forget about the speech that was given my michelle liaw. haha.. here's it... let the block letters from A-Z denote the numbers from 1-26. hardwork, H+A+R+D+W+O+R+K adds up to = 98%. but it's A+T+T+I+T+I+D+E that adds up to 100%. but anyone who don believe, you can try counting. haha...no joke

later then makan and den there was a celebration in some beach for one of my classmates' b'dae. i did not attend it. cos i wan to go home and rest and den study. the reason so is b'cos tmr i'm going out with someone.haha..tmr den enjoy lor..it's still the same ain't it? it's a one-on-one date. but i guess there'll be someting more than that later on..haa hope so...hahaha

and and todae i made a new fren. she's from 4/7. ops, i din even ask for her name. hmm...got into a small chat when we are getting home lor..but the point is, she said that from my appearance, i appeared to be those baddies (cos of my eye-brows), confident, loud and outspoken person.......But, she den continued that when i'm like up- close to her, i seemed to be a gentle, sensitive and caring person. So, she asked me who's the real me den. i answered, "i guess you've got to find out yourself huh?" later she need to get off the train and we exchanged good-byes. subsequently, i asked myself, who's the real me? i'm not sure of it either...sigh...

graduation day

2004-10-14T14:49:00.000+08:00

Graduation Day

shit

2004-10-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

ah hemZ! got something to edit todae. i did not get first in class. somebody else did. damn~.it's an assault to my huge ego. =P...nvm...it's ok...

results 2

2004-10-07T17:53:00.000+08:00

This is the day that i held my results in triumph. i got first in class. *face showing that proud smirk* hehe... And, i would like to dedicate all these to the Sole God (right Zhi Ai? =) and my parents.

todae, finally i had received all my results. here are the following. =)
Eng - C5 (after moderation. hmm... i knew i screw it up. Everything just went haywire. ha...nvm...try harder next time. => )
Humanities - A2 ( i seriously don't think i deserved it. it's just unbelievable. i mean...it's just sheer luck. i'm not that humble usually. =P)
E-maths - A2 (can do better de. )
Chemistry - A2 ( like i said, most satisfying result. but b'cos i almost failed my practicals, it simply thrusted my marks down down. sigh sigh.=( )
POA - B3 ( i can DEFINITELY do better. =P)
A-maths - B3 ( "f" word, damn...other classes tried similar questions b4 de lor.ZZzz)
Physics - C6 (hey, it's my worst subject. BUT BUT there're rumours circulating around that the teachers who marked our papers is bias. Not that i'm jealous that other classes did better than us but that Virgin Tan and bloody Fool are just 2 suckers. can anyone believe that at this point in time, three quarter of our class failed and there're 10 F9s existing? damn it lar... they sucks lor... though we can't realli divert all the resposibilty to them. "f" them still)

and and to think that the UPPER HEAD for science, crack a joke that our class shouldn't take the physics paper as it might pull the sch's average down. that vicious jezebel. it's not funny at all okie? i wondered why would somebody marry her last year. but i guess she's no longer conceivable. i mean... look at her age. Even by chance she has one offspring, he/she will send her to some Old Folks Home and left her to die there. haha..did i sound too vicious? Ooo...nvm...just some of my thoughts and some angered words. hehe...don't read them.

Fuh...finally i felt consoled. though i knew that the students in other classes did very well. but...at least...at least... i have the privilege to say that i'm the First in class. haha...nah...got to work harder. sigh....Anyway, didn't realli talk to her these days.hmm i would say, it's just better this way. at least i feel hurt no more.

result

2004-10-05T22:00:00.000+08:00

hmm...i dunnoe whether it's good that i received the results. i was disillusioned by the marks that i got.

Chemistry - A2 (most satisfying result. haha)
A-maths - B4 (hey, 0.625 more marks and i'll get a B3. But still...hahaha...nvm. Work harder. just screw up)
E-maths - A2 (definitely more rooms for improvements if there's less careless mistakes)
POA - B3 ( b'cos of a single mistake. damn it, it's a single mistake that made a difference of 2 grades. sigh.. this is a subject when you can make it or you'll just lose it. diu....haha.)
Chinese - A1 (haha...this one O-level result lar. but still, it's a 1. =P)

um..tmr will be receiving eng, humanities and physics. haha...the best is left in the last. i guess i'll had a heart-attack leh...hahaha...juz see lar.. Miss her lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots lots and lots and lots ..................( hmm...abit flooding hor...aiya...haha...wanna study ler..Ciaoz....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...hehe...jus de-stressing.

hope

2004-10-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting here alone up in my room
And thinking about the times that we've been through
I'm looking at a picture in my hand
Trying my best to understand
I really want to know what we did wrong
With a love that felt so strong
If only you were here tonight
I know that we could make it right

it's good to be hopeful at times, but we must also know wad's beyond our limits. it's so surprising now when i looked back on how i held on, struggled to survive, and eventually pulled through. but sometimes, i do ponder why people are still encouraging me, giving me false hope when deep inside, they knew very well that i would not succeed. So, do i hate? a little. sometimes. ha...nah...don't mind about me. i juz get angry easily. like i was able to control my temper. Well, not unless we try to look at things with a different perspective. hmm...shear and penny asked me wad happened actually. guess i was too ashamed to tell them. so i evaded the question. ha..

I know I've been a fool since you've been gone
I'd better give it up and carry on
Cause living in a dream of you and me
Is not the way my life should be
I don't want to cry a tear for you
So forgive me if I do

todae, i just heard a song by blue. it's called Breath easy. i used to like this song alot. but now i hate it. cos it has the command to summon my grief and sorrow back. though it has the ability to do so, i listened to the entire song without switching it to other channel. =P sometimes, things are juz conjured in an ironic way. the more you want it, the more you can't have it. the more you hate it, the more you can't let go. Some human emotions here. guess i can be a psychiatrists next time. bleahz.it almost brought a tear to my eyes. i struggled to hold it back. hate it!

I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy
'Cause you're the only one within my heart
I was born to make you happy
Always and forever you and me
That's the way our life should be
I don't know how to live without your love
I was born to make you happy

awesome

2004-09-29T17:53:00.000+08:00

Phew~ finally the last paper was over. As in last paper for prelim only lar..haha...but still.. it's something to be happy about righT? Hmm...the day started off with me feeling very "high". haha...din realli know why. perhaps for the same reason. Last paper. =P Subsequently went to have an extremely nice and fulfilling meal. Alloy intro one. and and den we headed straight to this awesome club. i realli never thought that such breath-taking infrastructure could ever exist in Singapore. it has a bowling hall, pool table, lan game, arcade, swimming pool, great music pumping and some realli amazing stuff lar. hahaha...and hey, suddenly i realised that my bowling and pooling skills are realli remarkable. At least, my points overshot 100+, strike a couple of times and hha (there goes my bragging again.haha.. cos if i dont, den it's not leonghan anymore. =P) oh...and i'm the champion for the last match. Weeeee!!!!! that's me! that's me! talented and skilful MALAYSIAN like me is hard to find anymore =PpP. Hmm...on the whole realli had a great day, with so much jokes and my blood-curdling laughter that filled the Cathay Bowling Academy. Finally, i realised who's e "weed" who tag some nonsense on my board. that asshole can none other be Alloysius. that's him. haha..and and he put some realli realli weird nick for when we are playing bowling such as um....( nah... better don say. it's too humiliating) If i were to construct a bowling hall, i would restrict people like Hilmi to play. this is bcos he's pratically throwing the 12 pounds ball and not gracefully sliding it into that damn hole. there are even dents on the parquet floor. damn~ that guy...hahaha. and i never thought that i'm so good in pooling oso. though i onli did it a couple of times. Ops...me bragging and bragging and bragging again.. damn~ muz break this habit lar...haha...hmm...actually wanted to go swimming sia... cos there're women in bikini ma...haha...and den i can show them my muscular and voluptuous body. haha...i MUST mention this. there's this bitchy bitch ( the cashier for the bowling thing). juz bcos i'm physically attractive =P, den she was like acting like an absolute bitch in front of us. can't wait to slap her face. haha...nah...forget about it. On average, i think i threw the bowling balls for 100 times. im broke now!!!!!!!!! hah

Soon, sunshine turns to rain, and we den retreated to alloysius house. oh it was so boring. juz sat there and simply watch VCD. it's something called oNg bak..some thai fighting show. it sucks lar...haha...den den he brought out a jar of XO. hey...this is some real stuff. the pungent "aroma" simply pervaded my nose. And as i took a sip, gosh, a surge of heat and adrenaline went through my body. a tiny sip already made me tipsy sia. But still, i continue to take a few sips to dwell myself in sorrow. hahaha....crazy lar...hahaha...

hmmm...juz now, i took a look at my palms again. ( i used to have a lot of lines scarred on my hand,and i found that i myself a very special person bcos of that..haha) but todae, it all seem to disappear. haha...maybe the stress had been liberated ar..haha. Since young, i've not found someone as similar as i do, ( who have many lines on their palms) not until i found that Mel's palms also bears the replica of mine. hahah..this is so weird, and i still remember that time when i pretend to see her palm when my real intention was to hold her hand. hahaha...Fuh... *brushing off the thoughts* people used to tell me that me that a person's palm who has many lines would be (1) firstly bcos of stress, (2) secondly bcos of im thinking too much (3) thirdly, i'm an indecisive person. i dunnoe which is true, but i dun find people with no lines to be very decisive after all.hhaha...nah...juz kidding......ciaoz lar...still got alot to type, but lazy ar...hahah.sleep..Zz..miss you lots and lots. =PpP

horoscope

2004-09-27T18:02:00.000+08:00

OH, physics paper 2 was tough! ha...almost everyone said that.
dunnoe wad else to add. juz pray for the best to achieve A. ha....den tmr will be a-maths paper1. Aiyo...die..haven't sturdy yet lei =P

my horoscope todae :
What's the point in being good all the time? Rock the boat. Cause some waves. It's going to be a warm, wonderful day. If you're smart, you'll surround yourself with those who love you, and make sure they know just how mutual the feelings are.

hmm...who does it refer to? i've been quite superstitious about horoscope since was young and never i'll fail to check it whenever i have a chance? hmm...mutual feelings? who loves me now? come to me NOW...nah..i'll look for her. =p and i'm smart. =)

My new physics teaher

2004-09-26T18:17:00.000+08:00

wow...todae, i employed a new physics teacher. it's a she. =P haha...nah...jk...i wasn't e one to employ her. it's my mum. Anyway, she's rather ok and um...i seem to get distracted easily during lesson. haha...looking here and there. and it's like onli both of us in a room. Eww....naughty thoughts huh? ehehe....and and Fri, Sat and todae was absolutely fun. Din realli sit down and study. haha...juz play play and play. feels like Os is over already. Great. but the greatest thing comes when i realized that i've finally got over her. i nv knew this could happen so fast. anyway, it's a good thing ain't it? Fuh~....feels great, no longer so attached anymore. good.

Finally

2004-09-23T15:08:00.000+08:00

phew phew phew....hurrrrrrrrr.... Finally a day when i finally finally felt better. With so many jokers, good-lucks and um... encourangements, how can it not cheer me up rite? haha...again, wanna thank you guys! Personally, i dun think i'm a person with a lot of determination. hahah.cos cos always get distracted when revising. =P as usual, my thoughts probed to her. Anyway, todae's paper was kinda easy. well, at least it's the only paper i'm confident of. phew, finally it makes me feels like every sessions of burning midnight oil is worth it. AnD and, todae is thurs. haha..i dunnoe how you guys think about thurs, but it is a day that is um rather, relaxing, liberating and less worrying. Well,haha..that's how i feel. hmm...kinda caught a glimpse of her again. argh...can't help but to realise that i still miss her. hmph! haha....

A-maths

2004-09-22T17:43:00.000+08:00

The a-maths paper was fucking tough. Damn~, dun have a good feeling of even obtaining a distinction. And and, it was so fucking unfair that the 4/6 students did some of the questions before. ( around 20 marks of the similar question they gone thru b4. sigh...so unfair) Anyway, tmr will be history. oh my God, wad should i study sia...anyone, pls give me some morale support. i need them very much. Feels like breaking down at any moment. target - unachievable. i'm going to make this the opposite man. either break or make. i wan the As....argh...

00

2004-09-21T14:24:00.000+08:00

i loved you, and i still do.'

juz as expected, the Social studies paper was a hell of a crap. hahas...the source based questions were so tough that i can't even single out any similarities or differences. haha...wadever lar, it's over now. Again, todae was exceptionally a sucky day. Cos i was no confident with my answer. Sigh...tmr will be a-maths. one of my stronger subject. Oh...gosh...this better be good. hmm...commited a few silly mistakes in the e-maths paper one todae. sigh... i felt so stupid.

-

2004-09-20T18:27:00.000+08:00

No Matter What I Do, All I Think About Is You.

yawnz... todae had POA test. It sucks. i dun think i will do well this time. especially when i heard that everyone balance the damn bloody thing. i merely balance one of them. Sigh, not born to be an accountant. Sadly, i regret taking this subject. the test was 2 hours. i din even have one minute to rest. Damn~... it was so hard, and so pressurizing. Sigh... and how the hell that everyone could balance the whole question. felt that i'm already out of the race and it's high time i should carry out some fucking action. Tmr will be Social Studies. Wah lao... a lot to read of man...sigh... felt so incompetent now. Wad the fuck should i do noW? todae, is juz a FFFFFFFFFFF DAY! FuckOff Now.

Ugliest moment of our lives

2004-09-19T14:47:00.000+08:00

hmm...let me talk about yesterday night first ar. Sud-den-ly, everyone's appearing to be so nice to be. haha...not quite used to it though. Tian, Peny, Zhi Ai, to mention a few, was like asking me why i'm so sad for the past few days and all of them wanted to console me. haha...anyway, thanks for all their "an wei", appreciated it very much. And somemore, so coincidently both penny and tian wanted to send me a song. tian sent me an inspiring but not-so-nice song. it's called "breathe again".... in order to make her happy, i told her it's such a melodious song and blah blah...hahahaha....( that song is not nice at all! ) haha...sad to say..And and penny sent me the sponge box square pant song. hmm...i dun like it oso. but in the end, i oso tell her i like it very much and blah...polite words....=P

Ugliest moment of our lives

i believe that everyone of us have some embarassing moment and i thought i wanna share a few which i think is extremely funny and silly.haha...ok...the following story is based on my classmates. no one is supposed to try this, anywhere, anytime at any place. (bleah...i quote this from the Fear Factor host.)

to start off with, let me tell you about this boy called Alloysius. he has a cheeky face and he likes bears. Especially teddy bears. Since this year, he has been obsessed with the man-eating bear of our sch. haha...this guy also punched his father's nose and never talk to his parents. he smokes, he gambles, he involves in fights, and all the bad stuff in the world belongs to him. Moreover, this guy has got no life. all he does is eat, sleep, study a bit and smoke. that's all about him. He like teasing people and forced ppl to committing suicide. On the flipside, he's always making us laugh at his silly jokes and silly nonsense. great to have him in our class. To sum up, he's an entertainer.

Secondly, i wan to mention my soccer captain. Sadiq. however, we dun call him by his name. we called him SAD- IQ (which means low intelligence). hahaa...my God, he's a realli pathethic guy. Except for playing soccer, he has no special ability. One day, the notorious Alloy asked about his occupation whether is to join the S-League soccer team. on top of that, because Sadiq always fail his exam, Alloysius asked him to jump down from 12 stories during the O Level Examination. to sum up, this guy is realli realli pitiful and it's time he should pull up his socks. he has been humiliated, de-humanised and yet he did nothing to prove us otherwise.i dunnoe wad else to say about him. Juz Good Luck for your future expertise. As a soccer player. =P

Thirdly, i wanna mention Hilmi. he has a lot of fats that we played around with. And all of us enjoy smacking his ass. Sadly, he's deeply influenced by alloysius. Now, his mind is contaminated with all sort of rubbish. i'm going to reveal sth that is very disgusting. hope all readers dun mind. Tis Hilmi wanted to actually make pornography with alloysius and they already did one. haahaha...ihough it's only a 11 seconds clip, and it did not reveal any of their sexual organs, but i thought it's extremely disgusting and... yuck...and very funny!!

Fourthly, i want to mention Ashvin G Pillai. he sits beside me in class and he always molest me by touching my lap. the only way i could retaliate is to mention someone called V. Abinanya, whom he say he wanted to punch her face. (abinaya is in my class.) he's quite intelligent actually but only he's lazy.

fifthly, Azim. he's short. as we can see. haha...(no offence dude) but this guy is nicer than the rest of them. for that, i got to admit. infatuated with this F gal for a very long period of time. anyway, work hard dude. your future lies in your hands.

Lastly, i am going to say some ugliest moment of my life as well. i WAS R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D. that's the only point that they like to teased me about. if now, they'll say that i was a "DENIED" ..hahaha...that was quite funny actually.

in conclusion, i like my class very much and i like my classmates as well. No offence if i mention any offensive things. i'm very fortunate to have all these jokers and entertainers around. together, we had been thru thick and thin. And we are going to see each other for only less than 2 months? i'm definitely gonna miss you all guys. (not that i'm gay.) Seriously, i can't believe that my secondary sch life is gonna end soon. but hey, at least i enjoyed every moment of it. Ciaoz. Study hard everyone. hope that all of us will score distinctions.!

Elf

2004-09-18T15:29:00.000+08:00

Oh..thanks for your enlightenment Azimullah. haha..no, seriously i wanna thanx you. Really, i've found a reason for me to start over new, but the reason is not you. =P Anyway, i dunnoe why i can't view my Shout Box for a period of time, but i seem to do the same thing as you suggest. -- leave her alone as she is. give her some time. maybe sth's bothering her. and blah blah blah...haha..But azim, my faith can only last until here. the rest of it is gone by now. i've been waiting and i've waited. time and again, i was met with disappointment. i'm sure you dun want me to wait anymore. Moreover, i dunnoe whether it is you who's naive or i am the one. ( but i still believe that you are the one. Guess you agree with me as well. =D) Luck, i dun have, fate, God doesn't allow, perserverance, i lost it. So, there's realli nth left. ahaha... who is desiree. it can't be her rite? how come that person thank you for your advice that is meant for ME? hahaha...it can't be HER...haha...Azim Azim... you knew very well that F...that one...u noe.. that one... is never meant to be yours. i'm not discouraging you, but you can't let what happen last February to decide your fate and let it plagued you for so long. hahaha... but i can still remember that day vividly. hahaa...you were...um...so shy, so euphoric, so high, so crazy in love. hahaha... hey, that little kiss of hers realli casted a deathly spell on you huh? Did she give me a kiss tat time? hm...i dun quite remember actually? but definitely Del's alone is sufficient. As in, more than sufficient. hahaha... i wish i had more that time. grrrr....haha.h.ha.hah damn~ Lucky bastard you. Got one from the Deity F. hhaahah.

Thanks Zhi Ai. i appreciate your drop by to my blog whenever you're free. Yes, leave it all to Lord. *WiNkz* Hope that you're doing fine in everything. Having prelims now. Cool...haha...

anyway, last night was fantastic. it was the turning point of my life. you noe, when the gradient is Zero and dy/dx is = to 0. haha...a bit of a-maths here. well, as we all know that parallel line can never cross each other, it is best that i left it as it is and move on with things yea. Anyway, someone complimented that i have a pair of elfish ears that look very cute on me. hmm...update later more about it. wanna cioaz now. sleepz

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over withTears
form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said

Chemistry

2004-09-16T15:39:00.003+08:00

Chemistry '(16 september)

oh...kinda sensitive to this word. haha..chemistry. hmm.. jus had the chemistry practicals. it was SoOo easy! hah...guess everyone was able to do it. but i realise i've got one wrong answer. which means, it tarnished my dream of getting full marks. lol...tak mahlu sia... anyway, the test was funny. had a lot anxiety when doing the experment. Especially having to hear the pop sound. haha...

Are you aware of what you make me feel,

babyRight now I feel invisible to you,

like I'm not real

Didn't you feel me lock my arms around you

Why'd you turn away?

Here's what I have to say

I was left to cry there,waiting outside there grinning with a lost stare

That's when I decided

anyway, yesterday i ask my bus driver to buy 4D for me. i picked a number 1017. and todae, the result came out was 5017. Wah...missed by one damn number and i'll be immensely rich.haha...only den can treat you all makan ma...haha...jkjk

Oh...todae felt extremely different. Extremely happy. not sure why though.haha...and hm...just walked in the rain juz now. felt soOo cool. =P

17 september.

wait. before i talk about todae, i would first wanna elaborate on what happened yesterday night. Apparently, she smsed me and wished me good luck, telling me that it;s not bcos she don wish to wish me luck but it's bcos i no longer treat her as a fren. Firstly, she told me she still continued to visit my blog. is there any significance or am i juz thinking too much? Does she even care for me now? Inside, i dun feel so. Wonder why. Anyway, a msg from her definitely left a smile on my face. As i continue to think, actually, i'm positioning myself in a weak area, or rather, an unfavourable condition. let me explain why. For everytime i update my blog, she knows exactly wad i'm thinking and feeling inside. On the flipside, i know nothing about her. to put it simply, she already has a mind reading machine to read my mind. =P while i have nothing. oh, i do have something - my intuition, my instincts, my six sense and my inferential skill. which is, actually not very useful lar...haha... everytime guess the wrong things. before i end, i would also like to add that avoidant is not going to work. everytime she evade my question, she's actually running away from fact. hey.. everybody loves mystery. i received too much of them. haha.. Anyway, i'm stuck in this dilemma now. Not sure whether i should carry out the extreme measure to forget her - never to think about a single thing about her. i dunnoe leh....sigh.......i still like her. i think.

Why you have to go and make things so complicated?

I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated

Life's like this you

And you fall and you crawl and you break

and you take what you get and you turn it into honesty

and promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it

no no no

physics

2004-09-15T18:17:00.000+08:00

Physics

Argh... physics. Made alot of careless mistakes that cost me a lot of marks. sick man...i dun wish to talk about this anymore. it's only prelims anyway. Juz wanna secure A1 for every subject. Ha!

Sweet misery you cause me

That's what you called me

Sweet misery you cause me

All the while, i was expecting her to wish me good luck. she din. and high chances is that she refuse to do so than rather she had forgotten about it. Sad... Anyway, receive a lovely one from S. and another from her asking me how's the exam after everything is over. i pondered : y is it always her to do such a thing and not M? Seriously i wun wanna tell her about it and start rambling to her about how stupid and careless i've been during the practicals. i'd rather reveal all these to M. sigh... jus woke up from nap and feeling extremely poignant now. And i've juz read back my previous entries, i thought i sounded too agitated and overreacting by making those naive judgements. Overall, this month has been totally sucky. urgh...sick sick sick...Inside, i noe that she doesn't care anymore. i sense it. i realli realli can tell what's going on. to summarise all the crap i blurted, it boils down to this. "i miss her, but it's vice-versa from her." don't think that she'll be reading this anyway. but i wanted so badly to let her know that. sigh...

I recognize the way you make me feel

It's hard to think that You might not be real

I sense it now, the water's getting deep

I try to wash the pain away from me

Away from me

'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I catch my breath I

t's you I breathe

You're everything I know

That makes me believe I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see

So tell me

Do you see me?

Move On

2004-09-14T22:06:00.000+08:00

Move On

the day started quite normally and yea...nothing special really happened. hmm...had our photo-taking sessions and we din quite have the time to get ready. (as in checking the hair and attire. =P) this is absolutely dumb. they din even give us time to do so. hmm...just pray that the photo might turn out nice. haha..After the first shot, ( we have two shots), Maisarah shouted, " Alamak, not prepared." hahaha...that was funny. this could be explained by the fact that nobody was really ready as well. haha..

Turn it inside out so I can see

The part of you that's drifting over me

And when I wake you're,

you're never there

But when I sleep you're,

you're everywhere You're everywhere

Let's continue. Today, i somehow caught a glimpse at her. Everything felt so awkward and It's like i'm meeting someone whom you know ,and you can't really have the privilege to talk to her. Though there's no animosity between us, it just feel strange, strange and strange. i restricted myself, forbided my concession and repeated over myself, " she loves me not, she loves me not, she loves me not..." Finally, i calmed myself down over the dreadful feeling. Phew, i dunnoe how long this emotion is gonna plagued me. two words just flash across my mind - Move On.

Just tell me how I got this far

Just tell me why you're here and who you are

'Cause every time I look

You're never there

And every time I sleep

You're always there

Anger Management

2004-09-14T01:12:00.000+08:00

Anger management

this morning, i find that everyone's having the monday blues. anyway, it has been chased away by some silly act from our greatest Hilmi. haha...Strangely, he put one alarm clock in his bag. it sounded promptly at 8:30 and the sound is getting louder by each second. then only he realised that the sounded was emitted from his bag. Taking his bag closer to his ears, quickly he stuck his hand inside and shut the alarm. gosh..that was so funny. At least it made the whole class burst into laughter.

The Sweetest girl, Maisarah, todae bought a present for everyone in our class. it was wrapped in a red (her favourite colour) paper and with a piece of paper saying "good luck for your prelims and Os Examination. sarah =) " all i can say is, she's a great fren. and sweet.

for no apparent reason, i got extremely frustrated todae. then, i went ahead to fuck everyone up. haha...kinda of crude word. anyway, i'm still quite fed up now. =P Eventually, after venting my anger on someone, everything felt better after taking a nap. and i've gotta apologise for wadever shit i said lar...haha...now, i've been labelled by her as a temperamental person. personally, i wun deny the fact that i do bear tis character. sigh, must learn to control my anger sometimes. Sick now... (the pills that the doctor pescribe are useless, i guess, there's onli one cure, that's you. )

You were everything,
everything that I wanted
We were meant to be,
supposed to be,
but we lost it
And all of the memories,
so close to me,
just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

Gist of the day : regardless of all the times that i and her had been thru, i made a bold decision by telling her that i don even wanna be frens with her. Why? don't ask me, i was uncertain myself. Anyway, i felt like a fool now. sometimes, i even wished that she never existed in my life. Brought me misery and nothing. it's pointless to start pointing fingers. On the whole, i'll shoulder all the unhapiness that caused by my self-absorbed attitude. hate myself. wanna quote a phrase by someone. "Love me, Fool me."

It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

the last chapter

2004-09-12T17:47:00.000+08:00

The Final Chapter

things had finally came to an end. If you're anticipating for a happy ending, then you might be disappointed. Sigh. i dunnoe where, when and how i summoned the strongest courage to ask her for an answer. ( eventually i still did.) this is already the final chapter. i'm here to wrap things up and end this fairy tale. ah...it's very hard actually for me to continue. in fact, i dun even know when to start.

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry
This love has taken its toll on me
She said Goodbye too many times before
And her heart is breaking in front of me
I have no choice cause
I won't say goodbye anymore

against all odds, i'm trying to pull myself together. suddenly i realised something. If love doesn't hurts, it's not something call love. i realli realli realli felt like crying now, but as i thought of crying, i realise that crying wun help me to win her heart back. i'm left with no choice but to bid the sweetest goodbye to her, myself and my feelings. it's hard, tough, critical, i supposed. that's it.

"i'm happy for you now that u've found someone else, you should jus carry on." that's her last point.

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
i know you understand
And with a tear in my eyes
Give me the sweetest goodbye
Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart
So i can show you how i feel.

story btw me and her

2004-09-10T22:44:00.000+08:00

the story continues...

Her B'dae
Oh great, it was her b'dae and i've got no idea on what to buy for her. Went to city square, combed the area, hunted high and low, but still find nothing that is nice or impressive one. then, a spark of "genius" ignited in my mind and my voice within asked me to buy her something that bears a sense of intimacy and perhaps - outrageous. =p (i'm not stating what i bought for her! too shy to tell.) clue - it's something black.
okie...den came her b'dae party. that day, i thought i acted very silly, foolish and practically dumb. i've got many chances, i lost every single of them. Hey, dude, if you wan her, let your action show. but....sigh sigh...maybe not ready yet. hmm...still haven't describe her on that day. As usual, she looks fabulous, extraordinary and marvolous. And she wore those huge huge earrings which doesn't actually quite suit her. On that whole party, my eyes were constantly locked at her. But she din receive the signal. damn~...haha..

I lie awake
I drive myself crazy,
Drive myself crazy,
thinking of you.
Made a mistake when I let you go baby.
I drive myself crazy

Wedding Dinner
she attended a wedding dinner one day. i asked her "when will you be my fiancee?"
she replied, " you'll be with your fiancee and i'll be with my fiancee"
wtf.....worse still, she told me that her ex ask the exact same question before. oh gosh...such coincidence? nvm...
Baby I don't understand
Just why we can't be lovers
Things are getting out of hand
Trying too much, but baby we can't win

as things proceeds, we began to share some excellent vocabulary as well. the "duish" word. Like what she said, everytime i spout any "nonsense", she'll duish me. (hey, i enjoy her beating actually...haha) Still, 4 months had past, and i still haven't conquer her heart yet. i admit that there were times that i feel like giving up; the flame was not extinguished though. she's an exact replica of Oxygen that relights glowing splint. ( hahaha...some chemistry here. =P) oh, then came the Euro 2004 period, stayed up every night to chat with her. Bet on one of the matches and she lost. She still owe me one meal. i never had it though. Liar! hahah.. Anyway, learn that she loves michael owen...i've got nothing to add. haha..

It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
With or without you

Names : currently, i've called her many different names. Dia (Dear), Sayang, Sweetie, Honey, etc etc. Everybody likes to use this kinda words i guess. And never i'll fail to ask her whether she misses me anot? sounds tak mahlu rite? she said she misses me once, but onli as a status of a fren. WTF...

July period
after all those tormenting months, she told me that ( oh, i forget that i promised her i can't reveal anything part about it) anyway, *censored*

one day on the bus, i stole a look at her. She was sleeping. oh gosh, that's the sweetest face that i've ever seen. man, if only she could wake up everyday beside me. =P nah...

Your body's saying things
I ain't never heard
You did the shake-shake and I kinda went beserk
Gotta give it to you girl you're one of a kind
When you took my hand up so calm
Touched it to your cherry lip balm
A million nasty things went through my mind

Sick
don't get me wrong, it was her that is sick. haha.. and this is the time that i should strike when she's most vulnerable. hahahah. =P showed my care and concern for her and she told me she was touched. Like Duh~ hahaa...

Anyway, things soon don't go so well and i've finally thought of giving up. it's something that i must live with everday. it's too tiresome for me to continue and not getting any results. Everyone excepts results. i din receive any. damn~ then, it was like heaven is playing a kinda game with me. Suddenly she appeared to be so nice to me. hey man, how can i resist her? hahaa

Poems.
i donno since when i wrote a first poem for her and i continue writing poems for her. hey hey...everything is original and penned down by myself. haha...she said it was sweet and blah...and touched. finally, she said something that made me feel good. i'm one of the sweetest boys she ever met. haha...that phrase...cool.

Quarrel
"we quarrelled so many times... maybe we should just stop getting along cos i really getting on your nerves right"
that was what she said. for that, i almost broke down and cried. Ouch...that really cut my heart and shattered them into a thousand pieces. after all we had been thru, and now i must give her up(well, to be exact, she's not mine yet). gosh...i can't imagine that kind of life. but i do try to respect her and follow what she wanted. We're not getting along anymore. Great.

everything zooms till now. i tried to move on and forget every little thing that i shared with her. i thought it would be easy. i was wrong. she's a memory that is determined to plagued me, etched in my mind and no matter how i squash, she's still there. My God... wad am i supposed to do. then, i thought of loving another girl (which simply means = finding a substitute) could help me forget her. Well, i hated myself now for harbouring such selfish and naive thought. it wun work. trust me. i hated myself. though, i appeared to be happy when i am chatting with her (substitute) i'm actually not. it was a fake hapiness. i can take this no more. my mind is her and just her. i dunnoe wad i'm supposed to do. Finally, i decided to make the first move, to tell her how irealli feel.

baby wun you tell me why,
there's sadness in your eyes,
i don wanna say goodbye to you
love is one big illusion
i should try to forget
but there's something left in my head.

todae, she asked me whether i would wanna play pool. i somehow wanted to hide from her. i dunnoe why. Now, one of my fren say she's jealous when she realise that i found myself a substitute. i dunnoe how true it is. but i will not take this for granted. please, tell me wad i should do now.....

Now I toss and turn,
cause I'm without you,
How I'm missing you so bad.
Where was my head?
Where was my heart?
Now I cry alone in the dark

A story about me and her.

2004-09-10T14:54:00.000+08:00

I am going to write a long and tedious journey to my story about me and her. So, just bear with it for a while. =)

Everything began on March the 17th. ( it was my b'dae that dae) She played a crucial move that touched my heart and made me set my eyes on her. This day, i supposed she took a period of around 40 minutes just to pass a present for me. Well, for that, i was intensely moved. On that sole second, i told myself, " i'm gonna make you mine."

So captivated, So mesmerized, So enchanted, So hyponotised...

the first time we had meal together
i remembered clearly that this day was set on 8th April ( cos it's after the mac ritchie run)She sat directly opposite me. "Fuh...hey girl, your beauty really took my breathe away" that is what i wanted to say, but in the end, i kept mum about it. =P call me a coward or anything, but i thought it was rather unappropriate to tell her that. And that day, i was exceptionally delighted to share that cup of lemon tea with her.=P ( i wish that moment could last forever. =P)

Subsequently, we chatted quite frequently late into the night. Almost we never fail to sms each other everyday. ( that time my bill was horrendous =P) then, we shared some views about each other. i.e. one that i remembered clearly was that i told her girl that wears earrings appeared very feminine. in return, she told me that guys with those short short beards got that dirty look and she likes it. haha... 2) once, i negotiated a deal with her, that is, if she misses me, say "good night" to me on that day. Finally when she did, she had actually forgetten everything about this deal!. i was furiously mad, but well, it's still ok that she don remember, it's the ways she always made me think that i finally got her and yet it all turned out to be fake. Once, she sent me a blank msg, i thought that signify that she miss me. She denied it as well. sigh...i would say that it was the sweetest moment to chat with her late at night and wake up in the morning to tell her how much i miss her. i consciously believe that i like her with all my heart and no one else. Well, everything changes now...as i found out more about her.

then, there was this time when i did not have a good relationship with Sying. ( at that time, i believe that sying told her a lot of bad stuff of me, causing her to have a bad impression on me. that b****! haha...)

Flirt.
it was the badminton tournament. i cheered for her during one game.
me : congratulations ar! never got beaten by any other players. =P
she : tell me why you support me leh...
me : very mushy de wor, you sure you wanna hear it? i think i better keep mum about it lar. =P
she : nvm. just shoot. hahas
me : don wan lar..haha..
she : say le say le
me : (ok. finally i gave it and i told her i love and cherish her bla mushy words. i forget the exact one. =P)
she : huh? say again le... don't understand.
me : (wtf....pretend sia... this girl. ) =P but i like it. the way she flirts. i would say.
update more next time. wanna take a nap now. =O

todae

2004-09-07T20:58:00.000+08:00

todae, todae todae i just woke up feeling poignant. hmm...perhaps i've been too happy for the past few days?. => anyway, look at my own schedule and it says i MUST revise for History! WAD!? i'm already feeling so bad, and i have planned myself to study stuff about Hitler and Communism. WTF?! sigh~ in the end, with my full extreme determination, i managed to cover one chapter. ( i used all my energy to force myself to read ok!? =P) constantly looking at my phone, waiting for her to reply. Worse still, when she did, she told me she wun online todae. Wah... is this some kind of game that God is playing on me? gosh... got very fed up and i bathed for one cool hour! sang all the way and all my favourite songs. think i'm getting mad! feeling fucked up now. ciaoz.

yeah!

2004-09-07T13:21:00.000+08:00

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

T: why did you put leontian as your blog name arh
(oh a potential question)
L: why don’t you ask me straight why I like you leh =PpP
T: keke tell me leh
L: mmm cos u mean something to me =>
L: and the song is dedicated to you de. =D
T: thanks a lots! How sweet of you. Appreciate it a lots. ;)
L: hmm still not as sweet as you do. =P
T: keke u’re indeed born with a silver-tongue eh
T: did you do the songs yourself
(Of course not! I’m not that good with computer stuff. How should I answer her?)
L: um as an honest and sincere person, truthfully it’s not done by me de. But I helped out a lot during the whole entire long long processs leh haha ( I lied. =P)
T: isee hmm thank you for doing this for me arh. Are you always so sweet to other girls too?
( okie trying to think of some question to twist the topic. )

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

L: hmm your parents do gave you a right name ar. Tian. (honey-sweet) =P
T: keke yea right. =>
L: oh please don show me that killer smile of yours again. It’s assassinating me! hehe bleahz
L: hmm you know why I chose that song? It’s because the song exactly describe how I feel for you leh. =P you must listen to the lyrics carefully yea?
T: keke okie okie!

(After some three and plus plus plus minutes)

T: hmm it’s a v.v.v. nice song leh. I’m touched. Keke
L: um how should I reply that? Hahaha
T: den don reply lor. =P

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

Bubbly

2004-09-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

hmm...went out with Sying todae. to Cybercafe. haha...shock yea?
a ger? cybercafe? hm...she's just a "funkified" gal. impressed me alot when she provided me with the details she knows. hahas..realli, she's more cool that i think. anyway, had a great time todae. got into some small chat and crack some jokes that left us both rolling in laughter. hmm...and it seems like everyone does have a phoebia.she think she's fat. well, but i dun tink so. sigh~ and she's quite nice on the whole. wonder why she's mistreated. in some ways. And it's such miraculous that she's revealing some of her secrets to me. hasha..gosh...anyway, prelims are coming! Everyone, get ready! we are entering the battling Zone. Study hard!

Anacondas

2004-09-05T22:45:00.000+08:00

ok....so i catch this movie todae(Anacondas : the hunt for the blood orchid) hm...it seems that this movie din get good ratings. But those ratings are seriously rubbish. i mean, the movie is so thrilling, fast moving, though yucky at times...=P overall i would still give it 4 stars dude. at least i learn sth, anacondas roll into balls while mating. =P and though this movie is not filled with "sex scenes", it's still a fantastic one. hmm...got a lots of goose bumps during the entire movie.haha...oh...do bring girls to watch it with you. i simply get the fun of looking how cute they were when the ghoulish anacondas appear. Anyway, the script is written with simplicity and quite typical. bz

Do i deserve this?

2004-09-03T21:40:00.000+08:00

Do I deserve this?

I know when he’s been on your mind,
That distant look is in your eyes,
I thought with time you’ll realize
It’s over, over

It’s not the way I choose to live
And something, somewhere has got to give
Sharing this relationship gets older,older

You know I’ll fight for you but how can I fight for someone who’s not even there.

There are times that it seems to me,
I’m sharing you in memory.
I feel it in my heart
But I dun show it, show it…

There’s time you look at me
As though I’m all that you can see
Those are the times I dun believe it’s right.
I know it, I know it…

I can’t pretend that I don’t care, when you don’t think about me.

Are we gonna end it this way,
Taking forever and 365 days,
You’ve got no more rooms inside,
I realize it, I realize it…

After some time, I’ve finally made up my mind. She’s the girl, whom I really want to make her mine….(but it’s too late, it’s too late)

It’s nice to know you’re there,
To hold me tight when I’m scared
You saw right through me; primitively stripping me bare.
If presented me with a dare
i’ll be a shadow everywhere
Clicking us divinely like a pair.
Hiding from you will be sparingly unfair,
And I also know this will eventually fade and wear,
Neither I want your heart to tear…
Let me diffuse you a placid air,
Just to show you how much I care.

hypnotised

2004-09-02T15:39:00.000+08:00

My Happy Ending
hypnotised

She's a beautiful and graceful creature; I was mystified.
An alluring pretext that spellbound me; I was mesmerized.
An infatuation that refused to neutralised.
Slowly, i was hypnotised.

A spirit forcing me to visualise,
An Ariel that was constantly in disguise,
clouding me with her secrets and lies,
Clearly, i was hypnotised.

A phantom who perpetually generalise,
Eventually bringing me to realise,
All i gained was pity and sympathize,
Sadly, i was hypnotised.

Like poles can never be magnetised,
twisting them couldn't win me a prize,
the fault can only multiples,
A love that can never be divide,
An expression of me wanting to thrust back in time,
a potential power that cursed me to die..

Happy Teachers' day

2004-08-31T16:09:00.001+08:00

6:50a.m. - cracked some jokes in the bus. Everyone was in high spirits. That's great!
7:30a.m. - did some fantastic workout that is quite um... not making me sweat. haha..
9:00a.m. - Ahhhh...finally came the first performance. It was da Best! With great music and great dancers, what more can you expect? haha..but i kept noticing the lead dancer (Ashanti) seemed to be always performing in no matter what celebration. And i thought she danced very well, but Maisarah and the girls detest her. i wonder why? But i still cheered the loudest. haha...(juz look at how she sway her body) But the entire dance doesn't seem to have any connection with the event. So....um..it's still fabulous! haha... the second performance (the musical) also not bad lor. Cool outfit. (that's probably the onli thing i like about it. And the effort put in. =)

Yeah (yeah) Shorty got down low and said come and get me
Yeah (yeah) I got so caught up I forgot she told me
Yeah (yeah) Her and my girl used to be the best of homies
Yeah (yeah) Next thing I knew she was all up on me screaming:
Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeaah Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeaah

9:30 - then came the monotonous speech. gosh...nobody seem to be listening to him at all. haha...Mrs Tan was frantically asking the students to shhh...haha... Oh... and i saw Mdm. Nora's daughter. Soooo cute. those innocent and naive eyes...juz like mine. ( wahaha...being bhb here. =P kk...i shut up)

hmm... the presentation about the different types of subject impressed me alot. made a lot of sense.

You're dangerous
Just get it up
The way you move so scandalous
It's all about the two of us
A one night stand just ain't enough
I need some stimulation baby
A little conversation maybe
You got me spinning 'round like crazy

then went to alloy's house. provide detail next time.

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you